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Sonnet 10

Why should I care about your eager smile,
And why should I be glancing like a fool?
In caves of life my soul is just a pile
When meets two juicy eyes. My only rule
Goes now in bed with silence as it were -
A steaming piece of love and mortal gain;
The butterflies are blinking just like her,
But in the mist they fall with tears of rain.
It seems to me that we should stay as one,
And far away from those who broke your roof,
Because the mouth at surface has begun
To dive my words along with acid proof.
The pain is shapeless since the face of shame
Has no offence and neither has a name.
— Unlight, Jun 17, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: Romania

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Critiques

Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 12 months ago

you're doing well - the path is safe

We have to let Universe to follow his path. Sometimes is better not to care about anything. The "camera" follows the poem from beyond the main activity, you are part from the audience. The imagery is great, and the musicality, the same like other sonnets of yours. The last four stanzas are strong, especially the last one. Great job my friend. Sincerely, Marius
Rob Graber

Rob Graber

17 years 12 months ago

Line ten is a half-foot

Line ten is a half-foot short, as I am sure you will notice since you have a great ear for meter; I like line 9 very much.
A

anaxor

17 years 12 months ago

hello

"The butterflies are blinking just like her, But in the mist they fall with tears of rain." Nice poem, I liked it very much, the 2 lines are my favorite. You have done a good job :). Greetings, Roxana.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Unlight

How did I miss this one? (note to self: go back and make sure I haven't missed more) Your form is perfect - tempting me more and more to attempt a sonnet, which I have never done. There are a few places where the choice of words brings odd images to mind, "two juicy eyes" being the most obvious. But the piece as a whole speaks volumes, as I have come to expect from you. Best, Ronda

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