themoonman

Aug 14, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Waiting

My Mother taught me to read
Life gave me dreams
but I'm tired

the smoke settles on the wall
and I hug myself

A pinch of salt makes my bite
of life easier to swallow
but I'm nauseous

the insanity of art keeps me sane

I am around too many sour people
yet I'm hopeful
and sometimes
I'm still the little guy waiting for a story
so I hug myself

— themoonman, Aug 14, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Critiques

poewriter58

17 years 10 months ago

Richard

This is good but there is something missing Chrys

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Hi Chrys...

glad to see you are back.. apparently you've taken care of your internet problems... something missing.. hmmm.. I'm stuck on this one.. I don't even know what to add to give it that fire... I'll have to muddle through the mess of my mind and see what comes out... if anything! thanks for commenting and reading.. Richard

Kailashana

17 years 10 months ago

That’s just it Chrys, the

That's just it Chrys, the missingness... So maybe I'll just hug my ((((((moon-man))))) I love an honest poem and honest man. ~A

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Anna...

graciously accepting that cyber-hug... thanks for reading... Richard

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Richard

It seems like with life, something is always missing. Sit down with me and have a beer (virtual for me, can't drink) and we'll talk it over. Ole Pete over there is just sour on life and Joe, well, he lost his wife. Mary, she runs from man to man trying to find something missing and Bill, he just can't stand his boss, so he keeps dissing. Then there is Larry, No one knows what his problem is, he is just quiet and doesn't show what is his, and Bob, watch out for him, he's spoiling for a fight, let's just go somewhere that is quiet....and we'll talk. Good one my friend, but like Chrys said, some little something is missing. Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Rett...

I'm good for two, but I've learned to stop there.. because if I don't I'm apt to embarass me and anyone with me.. thanks for reading... I'll have to come back to this one later on... Richard

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

I read you my friend

The reason I don't and can't drink is health-wise now. I pretty much quit at age 18 for different reasons. Coming from a family that seemed to like alcohol to much, I woke up one morning with the shakes. I called a whoa. I drank a little off and on over the years, but like you learned to limit it to 2 beers or 2 mixed drinks. If I went for 3 I was lost because I would either keep drinking til I passed out or I ran out of money, whichever came first. That is not good. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.

autumnphoenix

17 years 10 months ago

Hello Richard,

I will politely disagree, with the others. I think the piece is not missing anything. It is conveying a "little boy lost". If I am right then it is complete. It feels like something missing because of the feeling of being lost. I find its okay to be lost sometimes. We are all the more stronger when we find our way back. (More hugs and peace are sent to you). :) Good piece Richard. Dana

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Hi Dana...

I love poetry.. and how it can be one thing to one and something all together differant for another... it was really a poem about how screwed up everything can be.. the little boy in the end was the little boy inside of me waiting for Mom's comforting voice while she reads a story.. Hugs right back at ya Dana... thank you for reading and giving your thoughts on this piece.. Richard

Linda Moses

17 years 10 months ago

Little boy

I agree with Dana It says enough to be complete. I liked this one, Richard.

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Thank you Linda...

glad you liked it... I wasn't quite ready to change it... Richard

Sinbadthesailorman

17 years 10 months ago

This is a nice peice here And I'll agree

With autumn and linda after two or three reads which I do quite often because I have too it is complete I So love to be read too and huged at the same time lifes a battle and we are all waiting for the smoke to settle and most of us wish to be a version of are younger self if not to be young again and if we could just block out or get away from the people who sour us or bring us down we could love ourselfs a little more and maybe read some one a story and give them a hug missing something I don't think so a man reflecting on life it seems to me and I perfer sugar to salt but if nothing esle is around salt will sometimes do very much enjoyed Donnie/ Sinbad

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Donnie...

well.. damn... thank you for that read of my poem... that was a wonderful comment for this short piece of mine and I thank you.. your words are appreciated more than you might think! Richard

Kailashana

17 years 10 months ago

Isn’t life an *unfinished

Isn't life an *unfinished story*? So there's always a missing piece of the puzzle. Poets make light of all that darkness.... ;-) ~A

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Yes Anna...

it's never over until it's over.. and then it moves on to another...and so on .. the never ending circle.. thanks Richard

Janice Pearce

17 years 10 months ago

Waiting

Moon, I thought this to be an awesome piece it just grabbed me and kept on hugging, I really really loved it!

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Wow...

thank you Janice... I am so glad you liked it! Richard

Arrow

17 years 10 months ago

I agree with Dana and her supporters

I think it's psychologically complete. Sometimes, we're just bone-tired and need a return to childhood to regroup. I'd take out the line about nausea, though. This strikes me as an essentially optimistic poem and that line drags it down a little too much for me.

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Hi Arrow...

thank you for reading and commenting.. I like the way you see into a poem... you read between the lines... I will consider changing it as everything written is a work in progress... thank you for your view of this one. Richard

rider68

17 years 10 months ago

The Comments Say it All

Hi Richard.... The fact that you can write a piece, that confronts people in various ways and points of views and then encourage such varied remarks, That seems like a winner to me, As for me, well that comfort isn't forth comming, but i stopped looking some years ago, Great read Richard Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Peter...

that was such an encouraging review of the comments and the poem that I don't know what to say... but thank you for your continued support here.. and it's good to see you back... was your vacation rewarding... ? relaxing..? for me... after a couple of days away from home.. I'm ready to come back... what a great way to read the varied comments... thanks Peter Richard

Poetic Fluffer

17 years 9 months ago

A Pinch missing?

Everyone seems to think something may be missing, I felt it ended succintly, no maybe's or a (...) The only thing missing really is a title. Do you always keep your pieces untitled? It felt very cathartic, was it for you, Richard? Beautifully sad... ~~PFluffer

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

PFluffer...

thank you for your thoughtful response... titles.. I seem to keep them short and unimaginitive at times... got any suggestions for a new one for this piece? cathartic... yes it was.. even writing it was therapy a purge medicine for me and obviously you got it... thanks Richard

easylife_2

17 years 9 months ago

I dont think anything is missing

I think you just came out plain as regards what you felt at the moment you were writing.Iconsyder this a good write.Thank you.

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

thank you easylife_2...

I appreciate your input... and glad you liked it.. Richard

W.C.Wampler

17 years 9 months ago

I'm trying to do this

Richard, I can barely stand to force my face into this computer. I want to relate to other poets though, and so far, you and DarkinAZ seem to be on a page with me. This poem,"Waiting" I especially like. The last line sums it up very nicely. Thanks. wcw

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

wcw...

thank you for your comments on this poem of mine... I am sorry you are having such a difficult job with the computer... my wife bought one about 5 years ago, she wanted me to hook it up.. since then because like you I can build and am pretty mechanically inclined, I've become much better with it.. we've had three of them now..she made me take typing lessons and now I'm the maintenance man on the computer too... and very comfortably too..that is until we have to switch to vista...that'll be a nightmare.. glad you are able to relate to me and DarkinAZ.. there are lots of talented people here.. jump in.. take as much time as you want or need.. we are not going anywhere.. most of the people here are dedicated writers and most have something to offer... I'll be looking for your writes.. Richard

Ofira Sephiroth

17 years 8 months ago

Very Deep

I'm tired of being around sour people myself...which is amazing since I write dark poetry...go figure. I feel this poem is complete and I always tell my sister when I'm down or the world becomes too much that I need to "spend some time with mommy"...that need for her comfort will always be there. Great poem. Ofira Sephiroth

themoonman

17 years 8 months ago

Ofira...

thank you for your read of this one... a lot of my stuff has a dark side too, I try to keep an even keel with thoughts like the one in this poem... medicine for an old man... thanks Richard

Electric Blue

17 years 8 months ago

waiting

Richard I too am waiting for the hug with love which is a little out of reach right now. So all i can do is hug myself. The torment but my art my writing keeps me sane. So full of longing searching for the right hug. I know where your at my freind. maggie Electricblue

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