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LD
leonard daranjo
Oct 07, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Night Whispers

 fire fly flashes

in a thick undergrowth

stars trapped in a net

 


— leonard daranjo, Oct 07, 2008
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Critiques

ML

Michael Landau

17 years 8 months ago

The first two lines are are

The first two lines are are very good, but last line seems so much less descriptive. Particularly, the last word just doesn't do very much for me. Maybe it's just me, but I always think of a nicety as some little point of politeness, although I'm sure you mean the meaning of a small point of detail, that is not the first thought that comes to my mind when I hear the word nicety. Sincerely, Michael
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 8 months ago

A Night's Whisper

Sorry Leonard, I agree with Michael here. How about using your title for the last line? "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

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