Night After The Earthquake.

The dark night has spread
Her dark black wings.
And with her beak of cold,
The homeless people, stings.

From heaven's cruel bosom,
The merciless rain falls.
Despair's flowers blossom
Out of the fallen walls.

— Wafi, Dec 19, 2008

Critiques

washing tears

17 years 5 months ago

Nice Work

nice work here. Great word choice as well. I can visualize everything you are saying with out a whole lot of detail, and that is great thanks Washington Fear

Wafi

17 years 5 months ago

Washington Fear

Thanks for taking time to read and comment on my poem. Glad you liked it. Wafi

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Wafi,

This is short, simple, clear and sweet. It concentrates on the sense that the world is a cruel place and also on despair, and I imagine these are people's main feelings in such a harsh situation. I found the last line of the first stanza a little awkward because of the word order, but I guess you need the rhyme (stings/wings)... Best wishes Robert.

Wafi

17 years 5 months ago

The Last Line.

Robert thanks alot you read and commented on it. I also feel the last line of the first stanza is not doing very well cos of the word "stings", It pisssed me off while writting this poem but I couldnt help it. Thanks for your sweet and encouraging words. Wafi

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

This one's good

You captured the horror of it well. You might want to play with the 2nd line a little, maybe change the word "dark". A real good write wafi! Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Wafi

17 years 4 months ago

Jim

Jim, Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Sincerely yours, Wafi

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Hello Wafi

I feel from this that you think a lot like I do. I've posted a few poems that you may find interesting: `Colossal Wave`, which is about the Earthquake in the Indian Ocean in 2002. And perhaps `Mindless Raze`...not a natural distater but man-made. I like the way your compassion comes across in your poems. xena465 Rosina

Wafi

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks A Lot Dear Rosina

Thanks a lot dear Rosina, for taking the time to read and comment. I will check your work soon. So much appreiciate your thoughts. Sincerely, Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

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