Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

my butterfly

i don't see out of my eyes
i see out of my heart
i look into your soul
and let you look into mine 
until we are one
fused together
for eternity
no one will understand
until they experience
the same fate
we will be together in our cocoon
we will be together in this space
until we choose to fly
to fly away with maturity
and with freedom
we shall fly
throughout the world
into places
out of fear
but right now
we are in this cocoon
waiting
getting ready to face
getting ready
to finally
fly
— Tessadiana, Dec 22, 2008

Critiques

Robert Melliard

Robert Melliard

17 years 5 months ago

Hi tessadiana

This is clear and simple language, and that's my favourite kind. It sounds as if you have a fine young love-affair going there. It's almost sad that you'll both be flying soon. Best wishes, Robert.
P

poewriter58

17 years 5 months ago

Tess

Please use the upper case I when eluding to oneself "out of fear" this doesn't seem to fit unless you meant away from fear your point is clear in this poem though. Chrys
T

Tessadiana

17 years 5 months ago

thanks for the sugestions

thanks for the sugestions and comments i really appreciat it and i do meen away from fear lol Tessadiana<3 "love is so many things but one of them is you"
O

orgami

17 years 5 months ago

like smooth stones

i so greatly love these poems of yours the way you put your words together how you "see" your poems I love the Poem you have created here
T

Tessadiana

17 years 5 months ago

thanks

what a great compliment i should recive thanks for you comments Tessadiana<3 "love is so many things but one of them is you"

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.