Casually Inflicted Wounds

again I need to point to the commas, sorry. Otherwise a really fine write, image-provoking and clever. How about trying my recent suggestion concerning the commas again? Regards, Ink

The love is the fairy tale, the lies just confirmed it so, a break is needed in these times to bring you a calm of feelings not lost but saved for a beautiful day. Well written, and a quiet read amidst the turmoil, Yours Ian.T

commas, i pray thee, what's in a comma-less poem?.... a long-run-on-sentence comprising one tone-tome-poem...question is, does it cut the mustard?... yup this one does...not-speaking-*causually*-or-so-it-would-seem. Wink. ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~

I love this one it is a really good one your best i think. i can feel the tension in this piece you did a really good job on this one. Words can really kill a relationship severing the bond of love. Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Commas are interesting, and perhaps like women's bathing suits...the less of them there are the more you can charge for writing without them. : ) This is a beautiful and moving poem with or without commas. However, when I feel into the poem, I feel it's receptivity, vulnerability and open-heartedness, and I feel that the poem would benefit from the structure of commas, just as a flowing river without riverbanks becomes a flood. I don't feel this is true of every comma-less poem, but I feel it's true of this one. I am less concerned about being right than about helping your poem live it's fullest and best life, so, since she is your child, you will decide. Thank you for the read and write. -Michael

She usually is: so when in doubt just leave it out - lose those commas and see just how the writing reads without then add if needed otherwise a nice tight write of verses :) Good job Respectfully, Jim