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T
Tessadiana
Jan 14, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

life life live life life die

life is a lie
we only get to keep for a little while
because no one lasts forever
no one comes out alive
and it makes people sad when they die
even though it was coming all the time
cause every second we are dyeing
because we dont live
we just try to save presiouse moments
by spending hours
to maybe make us do the impossible
and live forever and kill our world
over population just by a pill
or needle
just to not face
the death of a loved one
just not to be
in the world of the dead
just selfish
in wanting to stay alive
— Tessadiana, Jan 14, 2009
More from this author

Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 4 months ago

Tessadiana,

this is an interesting piece of philosophy. I enjoyed reading it. There were some rough patches concerning spelling and grammar: l.3 "no one last"-> "no one lasts"? l.6 "dieing"-> "dying"? l.8 "presiouse momments"-> "precious moments"? l.10 "immpossible"-> "impossible"? l.11 "therory"-> "theory"? I´ll be happily coming back to rate it once you´ve gone over these rough spots, Ink Dragon
C

Conect11

17 years 4 months ago

you've given us

some gristle to chew on, but I second dragon you might want to look long and hard at spelling and grammar. Also your final line does not feel right at all, kind of like you've put together this masterful thought, but then give up on it. In short, it's a cop out so that you don't have to own your philosophy. It weakens your entire poem. Mark W. "Not since the Houston Asylum Fire of '54 have I seen so many flaming crazies." ~Dan Rather, SNL Fringe Candidates Debate

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