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I
IntrinsicDream
Feb 12, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Cosmic Ballet

I feel
Seething through these tired bones
This tired soul
So much life
Fervor within
I feel the voices
Penetrating the depths
Showing the faces
The places
I need to be
Need to see
A presentation
Newfound understanding
Enlightenment
It comes
Now and at this unannounced hour
Filling one with such light
Great abundance
Feeds the soul
Overflowing
Radiating
In the divine blue glow
The connection
Source
The nature of being
Grafted
Crafted on these strands of time
That play the delicate melody
The symphonic notes
Which, resonate with blessings
Vibrate
To the core
The frequency of my being
Aligning perfectly
In the composition,
And octet
Performed
Adorned
In divine
Operatic fashion

— IntrinsicDream, Feb 12, 2009
More from this author

Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

Cosmic Ballet...

I can't believe this hasn't been commented on... the title alone is enticing... I thought this was very good! The only suggestion I could make would be on the presentation... For me, the use of caps at the beginning of each line is a distraction, and if it were me, I'd only use them at the beginning of each new thought... and on many of these sentences, be they short, that is exactly what they are, a new thought added, but some of them were not... just a suggestion... loved the ending lines... Richard
A

Aureo

17 years 3 months ago

Dear Jay,

Dear Jay, I keep finding more poets whose words transport us to our connection with the Cosmic Ballet. Thank you for sharing it. I agree with Richard in that you can tighten this one up a bit. I write in a very similar fashion, where every word just pours out, one after the other. I have found it useful to keep going back to these works and there is usually a subtle rearrangement that gives them a better flow within the context. I look forward to more of your work. Kristeta
I

IntrinsicDream

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks

Thank you both for your wonderful comments, and I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I appreciate the feedback as well.

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