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JL
Jo Latimer
Feb 17, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Creation

If I bare my soul
If I scour out
The darkling soot
And morbid webs
Of all that lurks in corners
Pretending friendship -

If I pare down to naked spirit
If I excise decay
To the core of who I am
And find my true reflection
In the moment where deceit
Holds its breath -

I may see myself in that instant
As I have never dared before
My crystal self in transparent glory
Refracted light my clothing
A token second in an infinity of negative viewing
Where I see, for once, a perfect creation
— Jo Latimer, Feb 17, 2009
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Critiques

HI

Hannah illiterate

17 years 3 months ago

Wonderful

That was completely beautiful, and so inspiring to see our own beauties. What a poet!
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Hannah!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment on this one. As I said, it's really new & I'm not 100% sure about it yet, so am happy to get the feedback. Looking forward to reading yours - grammar or no grammar :) Jo
A

Aureo

17 years 3 months ago

New and perfect....

Hi Jo, It may be new but it captures beautifully that instant when we perceive our perfection, ah, if we could only pare away all the debris and decay and live in that infinity. There is a great depth here in your words, I find nothing to change. Kristeta
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Kristeta

Thank you so much for reading & commenting. Yes, it would be magic to live in that moment without all the rubbish (usually self-created) obscuring our vision! Jo
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

Jo...

I too thought this to be very good... darkling tripped me... maybe darkened or darkening... the second verse was pure magic! yes, a very good poem! Richard
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Richard

Thanks so much for your comment. Pure magic - wow, can't hear enough of that! :) As for 'darkling', I looked up the definition as I wanted to put across something very specific & this is it: adverb 1. in the dark. –adjective 2. growing dark. 3. being or occurring in the dark; dark; obscure. 4. vaguely threatening or menacing. Hope that helps to explain the choice of the word as I wanted to convey more than just dark - I wanted to convey that menacing aspect as well. Thanks again for reading. Jo
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

Jo...

darkling... I usually look up words that seem not quite right to me, but as of late, I've been trusting the spell-checker... and it indicated that it wasn't right... so I didn't actually look it up until I had read your response... please do forgive my laziness... not only is it a word but used in poetry quite often, sorry about that... Richard
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

LOL

No problem, Richard. I'd rather you call me on it than not!
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 3 months ago

Jo

A real good write. That is exactly what happens when sudden events place your life literally in the Hands Of God. You see yourself as you really are, and not as anyone else - including yourself - perceives you to be. It is an intense experience, to say the least. I agree with Richard, the second is magic. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Jim

Thanks so much for reading & for your comments. Yes, an intense experience indeed. Regards, Jo
A

Arrow

17 years 3 months ago

Powerful healing poem

Good, good stuff - the repetition, the dashes, stanza 2 (as already mentioned) *Holds its’ breath - (its)? My main comments refer to the final stanza and are more philosophical than poetic: *I may see myself in that instant: (I'd prefer "will" rather than "may". To me, it suggests more of a real possibility and is more optimistic. I think "will" is also floating through my mind because "paring" and "scouring" one's self require a great deal of "will"!) *Where I am, for once, a perfect creation: "for once" - I think that one is always a perfect creation (although dirty most of the time) but "for once," we can see it. I think this is what you are trying to convey. But that is not how this line reads. Maybe: A token second in an infinity of negative viewing Where I see, for once, a perfect creation Or, maybe, that is not what you meant!
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks so much Arrow

for reading & for the thoughtful comments. Firstly: apostrophes, for some reason, tend to mess with my mind. I was trying to show ownership - is that incorrect? Grammar lessons were a LONG time ago & some things stick, others don't! I'm happy to be corrected. Perhaps you can help me out with something: regarding the final stanza, the reason I used "may" was because I used "if" repeatedly in the first 2 stanzas - denoting that it's actually up to me to do the work of ridding myself of what obscures so that I can recognise the perfection, if you know what I mean? Very often that work is too daunting, hence the fact that such moments are a rarity if they come at all. And even if I do all that work, I may still choose not to see the perfection of creation, because that's just how we operate sometimes! Re what you thought I was trying to say about seeing the perfect creation: yes, that is what I meant. I have made the change you suggested - I think it ties in nicely with the "viewing" in the previous line too. Thanks again! Jo
A

Arrow

17 years 3 months ago

I do know what you mean.

I was thinking that it's even more daunting to do that work if you only might reach the goal, even if you do what's needed. Your comment about denial, though, is an interesting one. Self-sabotage at that point! How sad and how human.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi, Jo,

funny that you didn´t like your title, it was what drew me to this piece, because I have a poem with the same title... This is a really great write, loved every word. Yours, ~Nina P.S. teensy point: stanza 2, l.6: its´-> its
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 3 months ago

Those pesky apostrophes...

they do my head in! Thanks - you & Arrow both pointed that out, so I'll make the change at some point. I'm glad about the title - it's really the part I struggle with most, & I just kind of slapped this one on for want of SOMETHING. Thanks for reading & the feedback, ID. Jo

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