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I Can’t Find My Body (Rated PG)

I Can’t Find My Body
Dedicated to Craig Norris and Ink Dragon

“I can’t find my body but I must reproduce,
I forgot where I put it, which is no excuse.
I need to find my body or my wife will be so mad,
if I don’t find it by tonight, I’ll be in trouble bad.

I promised her we’d start tonight,
and I’d make everything alright.
She wants to start a child, she tells me every day
now I can’t find my body, who knows what she will say.

I know it’s here somewhere because I stowed it away,
but if it fails to show up, there’s gonna be hell to pay.
Did I leave it in the bedroom? Perhaps I should go see.
If I don´t find it soon, I think she will divorce me.

Well, I don´t have to look no more, it’s been here all along.
I just can’t seem to figure out why it’s wearing a thong.
It seems there are no worries, she’s happy as can be,
It seems it got tired of waiting and started without me.”


Written because of some comments by Craig Norris and Ink Dragon on his poem Beyond the Neon.
Sometimes the comments are as good as the poem, especially with a weird mind like I have.
It just goes to show, a poet can always find material to write about!

— Rett, Apr 15, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

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Critiques

Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

*getting soap to wash out your mouth with*

Kids! Noooooooooooooooo! *LOL* Heaven forbid!It came about because of some comments by Craig and Nina yesterday, *LOL* you would have to read the comments he made, nina made and then he made to Richard. *LOL* It just struck my weird mind as funny and I couldn't let it pass. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
E

easylife_2

17 years 1 month ago

Dear Rett

Good to read from you again,and a very good and funny one at that,but you know your 'body is not detachable,so I dont know where you are coming from.Lol.
Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

*LOL* Thanks easy

Sorry, another cultural thing I think. It is a joke about the mind/head being seperate from the body. It came about because of some semantically correct statements by Craig Norris on his poem, Beyond the neon, and the way it sounded to InkDragon and me. *L* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
O

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

Congrats on the "Little One" Rett

One is never too old to father and incubate the extension add-on of our great DNA I have made my reproduction and she is a wild-child a regular Chip-of-the-blok! thank god not a Spitting Image (no she doesnt look like my best freind either!!!!) She looks like Both the Mother and I (I still remember that sultry afternoon labour day Holiday or something The wall of mirrors the great bed the soft air moving through the screen of the raised windows Oh I need to put a new lightbulb in the lamp I see spiderwebs in the corner of the ceiling Is that a grey hair in my beard..) oh just took a second to look at myself well back to 2009 from 1990 Just ribbin yo man The poem is great Im still chuckling over that whole weird comment thing going on in Craigs Poem Hes a good poet and funny when hes not even trying and Nina too You added it all together and here it is Extremely funny!! Fives Stars!!
Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

Org, you just couldn't resist could you?

*LOL* Good one. This old man don't want no babies around the house. *L* Glad you got a kick out of it. Goes to show that you can find something to write about just about everywhere if you just look at it the right way. *LOL* Poets!go figure. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
yenti

yenti

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Rett

So you had an out of Body experience, and to embody it in a witty write was good fun,Although I thought that the body of the poem could have been more up front and visible in the words, you seem to have bodily removed all traces of it in the opening Stanzas, still you are the one person that can boldly or should I say bodily go where none have gone before. The whole thing brought to mind a song that went like, I ain't got no body, and No body cares for me LA La Laughing out loud. Bet someone will put the spotlight on to see you , Yours Ian.T
Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

Hey Ian, OLD friend

*G* Sorry, I couldn't resist. If you read Craig Norris' Beyond the Neon, poem, you'll see what prompted this in the comments. Sometimes the comments are as good as the poems. This was a case of both being excellent. I remember that song...I ain't got nobody...in this case it is No Body! *LOL* Glad you enjoyed it Ian. Say hello to the family for me. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Rett

I think your body and Kelsey's ass that she laughed off are in the same spot. I loved this write. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Just because you have one, doesn't mean you need to be one..." Doin' a March of Dimes walk 4/26 : http://www.marchforbabies.org/jnj7880
Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Jess

I appreciate it. *LOL* Weird how the mind works huh? Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Rett,

thanks a lot for the dedication! This is still as hilarious as it was the first time around! However, a closer look reveals some parts that might need work. At the risk of sounding like Jonathan: I do think you may want to reconsider your syllable count, thereby improving the flow of the piece. Also, please reconsider a few word choices to give it even more punch. A few suggestions: "I can’t find my body but I must reproduce, I forgot where I put it, which is no excuse. I need to find my body or my wife will be so mad, if I don’t find it by tonight, I’ll be in trouble bad. I promised her we’d start tonight, and I’d make everything alright. She wants to start a child, she tells me every day now I can’t find my body, who knows what she will say. I know it’s here somewhere because I stowed it away, but if it fails to show up, there’s gonna be hell to pay. Did I leave it in the bedroom? Perhaps I should go see. If I don´t find it soon, I think she will divorce me. Well, I don´t have to look no more, it’s been here all along. I just can’t seem to figure out why it’s wearing a thong. It seems there are no worries, she’s happy as can be, It seems it got tired of waiting and started without me." As always, these are just suggestions, and you can pick those you like and forget about those you didn't. Yours, ~Nina (who finally got tired of her tag and must now look for a new one)
Rett

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

Nina, Thank you

If I fail to listen to constructive comment, go ahead and bury me, I must have died! Jonathan gives good constructive comments when he isn't playing the bad boy. *L* As for the suggestion, Why did you do that to me? Dad blast it, I just absolutely hate it when all of them are good! I will make changes right away! Many thanks! Next time you two should be careful how you phrase things, there are poets present and God only knows what we will make of it. *ROFLMAO* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 1 month ago

Rett,

now I can give you the full high five without being tempted to flatter you just because you flattered me with your dedication ;) Yours, ~Nina (who has run out of clever tags because she feels like her last one didn't agree with everyone)
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

17 years 1 month ago

Big smile

You made me smile, I have not the comments here that prompted the poem so am not sure of the whole meaning but I liked this very much, I can see you running about the house trying to find what's already there this is great fun. The only line that I 'stusset' on was this one? Rhythm-wise I mean. "If I don´t find it soon, I think she will divorce me." Respectfully yours Ann of Norway

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