Time Proved US Wrong!

We used to say;
"Separation will kill us"
But now
After all this time
I look back,
It pains me to see
Time proved us wrong!
You survived,
I survived
But the only one
That couldn't,
Was the love
Between us!

— Wafi, May 14, 2009

Critiques

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Wafi...

So often it doesn't last, we outlast the love and endure the pain of it... and move on, part of the cycle I think. your poem, I didn't think needed anything, but maybe you could eliminate a couple of words, only a suggestion, if you like it better the way it is, please do keep it... But now (when) after all this time... thought it would read a bit smoother without the "when" it pains me to see (that) time proved us wrong... again, I felt "that" was unneeded, and it would make for a tighter statement... only suggestions Wafi... enjoyed! Richard

Wafi

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Alot Richard

Thanks a lot Richard, for taking the time to read and comment. I liked your suggestions. I think it reads better now. So glad you enjoyed it. Sincerely, Wafi

faerybeki

17 years 1 month ago

Yet again, Aafarin! Wafi,

Yet again, Aafarin! Wafi, you're saying a lot here in these few words, I really enjoyed this write, tinged with sadness but also pointing at hope, we do indeed move on, we have to don't we? As Richard said, all part of the cycle. Great write Wafi, much love b x

Wafi

17 years ago

Manena Beki, My Pleasure

My pleasure you enjoyed it. Thanks a lot my friend, for reading and commenting. Your sweet thoughts are always appreciated here :) Sincerely, Wafi

Wafi

17 years ago

Thank You So Much Janice.

Thank you so much Janice, for reading and commenting. Thanks for the stars. So glad you liked it. Sincerely, Wafi

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