interludes of life

in a spurt of total attentionthe worldblossoms into a flowerand i am buta petal i was oncea part of a riverbut now I aman ox-bow lakebecause I was oncea part of a riveri can still fell the power I am a birdtrapped in an oil slickthe thought of flightthe flight of thoughtkeeps me alive a pen in the gripof moving fingerswrites crimson chronicleson a satin sheet

— leonard daranjo, Jun 10, 2009

Critiques

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Leonard,

this poem whispers to me. It whispers of life and strife and of a search that longs to be completed. (I am sorry for not finding words as beautiful as yours are, I don't know how else to describe it.) Yours, ~Nina P.S. l.13 fell->feel?

leonard daranjo

17 years ago

Thank you Nina

Not only are you a great poet, you are also a very perceptive and sensitive reader. Your comment says it all. I am touched with your response. Thanks again ... Leonard

themoonman

17 years ago

Leonard...

interludes, a mixing of life and thoughts... I thought it was very good... the second stanza, in my opinion needs something, maybe... something about still being drawn to water, I don't know, but the last part of the stanza just didn't work for me. the third stanza is excellent, if somehow you could incorporate the way you wrote that one into the second one... whewwwww... thought the ending was good too, but more powerful words could've been chosen for "crimson" and "satin"... merely an observance, not suggesting a change there... always enjoy reading your writes Leonard... Richard

leonard daranjo

17 years ago

Thanks Richard

I shall look into what I can do about the 2nd stanza. Leonard

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