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an ordinary morning



==

an
ordinary
morning

::

at morning's
bright'ning light,

I strain with
all my might;

but these damn socks,
they're on too tight

                                   ---barbsdad
::

a songbird trills; a
uniformed man at the edge
of his garage fills

a dark-red gas can
with a hose; a wild rabbit
steals wraithlike across

the roadway; a bi-
cyclist pedals past;
a low-powered

motorcycle whines
at near distance; the moon gleams
white, full; a turtledove

hunches on a wire
overhead against the cool;
yet barely postdawn,

I walk

==
 

— barbsdad2003, Jul 14, 2009

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Chuck,

I like the picture that you paint here, so vivid and with so much detail. Two teensy tiny suggestions (mind, it could just be me being nitpicky): "a bird trills; a" -> I am missing another syllable here "at distance" -> I might be mistaken, but this could read better as "at a distance" Giggling over the socks in the opening stanza, ~Nina
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you ...

for coming through for me. Again. Much appreciated. I've now added syllables. And on one line near the end I've removed one. Much better. Happy Chuck
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Chuck

As usual I am awed in your poetry i see that Nina has already helped and it is awesome had a little giggle about the socks at the beginning as well beautiful read loved it my friend .. Love Jayne x x

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