infinite_dwarf

Jul 26, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Dream

I was driving, you see
o'er roads quite winding
covered with many a tree
and something blinding

Like octopus ink
blocking out my view
my heart began to sink
in fear of not returning to you

Running then was I
across dew-laden grass
though forwards took from tide to tide
running backwards was quite fast

But when I turned around then
to try to run straight
Something pulled me down again
like an iron-clad weight

A final attempt at last
to make good my escape
I fail at my task
which haunts me 'til I wake

------------------------------------------------------------------

Written about a dream I had experienced last night. I was driving, but there was a black cloud in front of my eyes, and I couldn't see clearly. Then I was running, and when I ran facing forwards, I wasn't getting anywhere, but when I ran backwards, I went fast.
It was quite strange and confusing, and so was the sequence of events - which is why I kept the rhyme scheme to a simple ABAB.

28/7 - revisions - restructured the fourth stanza, as it was problematic. Hopefully the flow and logic areas have been taken care of. Also switched in -> at in reference to the task. Additionally, upon re-read, I felt that 'like an octopus's ink' was too wordy, and that 'like octopus ink' was sufficient. I thank you all again for your revision suggestions - let me know if everything is good now.

— infinite_dwarf, Jul 26, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

It's almost recurring

I keep having ones that are very similar. Driving blind, and running fast backwards. I agree with the lines mentioned, and will change the 'task' line. The first suggestion I'll have to think a little more on what can be substituted and still keep the rhyme scheme - however, if I need to totally rewrite that stanza, so be it. Thanks for stopping by! ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Jess,

I like this and there is a meaning to this. "Stop looking behind you, because you'll miss what's in front of you, forget the pass fixes yourself on what's to come you can't see forward by looking back? I believe this stanza sounds better like this: "But when I turned around to try to run forward with all my might I felt like I was in mud again and I put up a terrible fight" Just my suggestion its your poem. thanks, Eddie

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Mmm, no, you're right

You're not the only one to take issue with that stanza. I like your suggestion, but it breaks away from the ABAB scheme that I'm trying to keep. Will think some more on how it can be successfully fixed. Thanks fast Eddie! ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

I agree

with Kelsey's comments and I think that punctuation could help with the flow. It is a very interesting poem. I am always interested in dreams. Always, Cat

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

LOL

Thanks, Cat. Yeah, I think a psychiatrist would have a field day with some of my dreams. :) I agree with the suggestions too, and will amend them very soon. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Theo

Thankfully, awake is better than asleep - at least for now. Hope your end straightens itself out soon. Thanks for stopping in. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

W.C.Wampler

16 years 10 months ago

...dream... poem

I.D.,Trying to understand dreams can be a very misleading thing, but writing poems about them is fine. Always my nightmares are about struggling to help, but being parylized in some way. wcw

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Hi WC!

Haven't seen you in a bit, how have you been? Oh, I agree, one could go nuts just trying to interpret every little thing! Glad to see you here. =) ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Jess

Here I was thinking I was alone having weird dreams and i find this dream .. which is an awesome poem ... Much love Jayne x x Btw bloody cute picture LOL

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

LOL

Thanks Jayne. The picture that was there is of my baby niece. She's 16 months old. Yes my dreams, when I can recall them in all their surrealness (if it ain't a word, it is now!) make for interesting poetry and pondering! Thanks again. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown

Lightman Georg…

16 years 10 months ago

dream

I fell that you did a good job on this. Remember that true poetry comes from your soul. Keep up the good work.

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks, George!

In all honesty, I feel this is a weak piece. I appreciate the comments, though, and hopefully I can write something more worthwhile in the meantime. Thanks for stopping by. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown

Electric Blue

16 years 10 months ago

dream

Jess Interesting poem It comes across to me as if you are having to deal with many unsolved issues. Trying to move forward but being dragged back into the slough of despond but you struggle to break free you seem lost to know what is expected and how to maintain the unsolved issues being dragged back and back again and again. Maybe you know what you have to do but are so afraid of loosing what you have now as this you may feel would change everything where you feel safe and secure. Re occuring dreams are issues that gnaw at you guts until in the end you have to deal with whatever it is no matter the outcome just to be free of it Of course this is only my view on what i see between the lines. always Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 10 months ago

dream

sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

16 years 10 months ago

Your dream

Dwarf. I can offer what my mind is to see. As dreams are a different place for a persons to reflect upon. This may sound a little strange yet I will say it as my soul and my gray are to differ on the point made. Do me a favor and never let fear run a muck to your life. As a twix to a mix my poetic friend you just by chance will catch me from the corner of your eye's. Good luck and Gods speed to the jurney you seek. Steven A. Kacer

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