professor

Aug 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A magnificent obsession

Earth’smole-skincoat,wet fromgrey,rain-slanteddays,bears alonged-forstep’simpression. Sky’smarble-sculptedfurlscontrivea facebejewelledwithopulent,sapphiresmile. Flower’scrushedfragrance,the silken,petalledwarmth oflingeringperfume’ssweetestmemory. Lake’swing-dipped,ringleteddiesquiverwith thepulse oflip-pressed,throatedsighs. Breeze-lickedflames,of autumnleavescurlintoochreflailsof tossing,sun-kissedauburn hair Tree branchesfleckedwithtincturedblossom,teasethe groundwithlaughter’sswirlingconfetti. Loverevealedin eachsentient,moment’s.waking

— professor, Aug 04, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: China/Sichuan/Chengdu, CHN

Favorite Poets: Yeats, Elliot, Auden, Keats, Shelley, Byron

Critiques

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Keith

What does it take to cross the fine line of remembrance and obsession?? I know how the deepest feeling of love for someone will sometimes cause one to see them in everything. If that's the case here, then I don't think that obsession is an appropriate title. On the other hand, if this is meant in a sort of stalker-ish type fashion (which I don't think it is) then it is quite apropos. Stanza 2 - what do you think about a revision to: "Sky’s marble-sculpture unfurls to reveal a face" To me, the original 'furl' is sort of counter-intuitive, but that may just be me. Nice to see you posting again - I've missed you. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Keith

...I am speachless to be honest but I loved these last lines Love revealed in each sentient, moment’s. waking ...my friend they describe a lonely waiting in solitude that also embodies a missing love .... being apart but actually together in thought(for Me) ....I am sure there is something thats not right but I cant really tell with an addled mind , talk to you soon as I am feeling better beautiful write love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

professor

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks as always JayC

An absent lover does indeed make the mind play very strange tricks lol. Love and hugs K

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Sweet Keith

I have to agree with Jess-Dwarf on the two points that she has made. Other than that I find this to be a lovely, but somewhat mournful piece. I love the delicately chosen lines of it. Love, Cat

Janice Pearce

16 years 10 months ago

Obsession

Keith, liked this one, but agree with Jess about the title, not fitting for the piece [but just my opinion]~My favorites were the first and last stanzas, although I liked them all. ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

professor

16 years 10 months ago

Jess, Cat and Janice

I had a feeling people might be uncomfortable with obsession although love has been called most memorably a magnificent obsession. Perhaps i should rename it as that to avoid conjuring images of "stalkers". Interestingly if you look at brain activity in someone who is in the early throws of intense and mutual love, seeing their loved one evokes a profile very similar to someone with obsessive compulsive disorder lol. And yes Jess the whole poem is about seeing the person you love in everything around you. Your suggested change to the section about seeing her face in the pattern of the clouds is interesting although i did not want to imply that the clouds somehow moved and made an image of her face...rather that the furled clouds whenever i looked upwards somehow seemed to be shaped like her face.....and that is was my mind that contrived this outcome. So if i changed it to what you have suggested it would not be what i intended. Thanks to you all for your comments Keith

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Keith

Now that title is very appropriate my friend ... reminds me of a conversation I had recently lol much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

pure emotional satisfaction

I believe you have given true definition to the term "float" I am floating with this beauty and those last lines ... Oh those last lines. **SIGH** No critique from me on this only pure emotional satisfaction. ... inhaling this refreshing breath of air ... ~Pamela

professor

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Pamela

for the lovely comments. with best wishes Keith

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in