lyz

Oct 31, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Freedom from the Sword

Blast the blade
the sword of fire,
which took away
a man's desire,
to live in peace
no more to kill,
never to serve kings
against his will.
Shattered now in pieces,
just a broken sword,
but a new found freedom
was this man's reward.

And the call to arms
he'll no longer obey,
and without his armour,
he walks away.
With head held high
he doesn't look back,
at the peasent town
he was to attack.

Into the mountains
he travelled alone,
where tears he shed
with prayers to atone.

— lyz, Oct 31, 2009

Critiques

yenti

16 years 7 months ago

A New Freedom

Springs to mind as he wanders with his thoughts to make amends with his maker, let him be, now that he is free, as all that fight and die, The thoughts of right and wrong are there to balance a life, where lessons can only be learned in returning home, Lovely write and so much in such a space, you to have a lovely day, and as your night grows as now of this Halloween day, shake off the cobwebs, go out and play, Yours Ian.T. PS:- If you see that naughty Jayne on line, give her a big kick on her behind, as the days of treatment are near past by, and it's rest she needs so that we don't have to cry. But I know she will mend to bless our days with words so lovely along our ways.

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Hello Cheeky, lol.

Did you read Jaynes reply below, lol. Funny. Between you and Jayne, by the looks, problem Title solved, yay. Thank you both. You have a good Halloween and yes, I will get out and play tomorrow, lol. Not long got home from an Avon Christmas combined Halloween party, expense of course, lol. Hopefully I get a knock or two, lol, I did see the cutest little strawberry with a scary black spider ring on, gee she was cute. She said to all us ladies, Happy Hello I am a sawby and when someone asked about her ring, she laughed and said, a pider, a back pider. Out of the mouths of 2 year old's. Made our day and took the thought of overspending right away. Enough for one day. Lol. Relaxing now. Love to you and yours, Lyz. XX

Seren

16 years 7 months ago

Awww Wiggles my ass LMAO

Awww Wiggles my ass LMAO hope you got long legs Ian he he he love youuuuu Dear Lyz hes a cheeky Englishman isnt he gotta love him !!.... I am thinking of suggestinggggggggggggggggg Cutting Free of Combat Or something along those lines or sliced from battle ok I could do this all day you get the idea LOL love and hugs Jayne x x x

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Thank u 10 times

I sort of took your free and with combat etc, it is the weapon he left behind as well, so the sword. Thanks for sending me that bolt. Needed it and yes you are right about Ian, you gotta love him. Lol. Thanks dear, now I am off to reply to the cheeky Englishman, lol. Love and hugs from us. XX

R.M.Shanmugam

16 years 7 months ago

the poem is good; more the

the poem is good; more the rhythm. shan

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Shan

Thanks mate, glad you enjoyed. Love to you and yours, Lyz. XX

Kailashana

16 years 7 months ago

Hi Lyz, as usual you hit the

Hi Lyz, as usual you hit the gong...we wake up from slumber. Love and Light, ~A some sp. corrections, if I many, man's (apostrophe for possessive) and the end prayers of atone(ment), how about prayers to atone since atonement is not the rhyme? "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Kailashana

Thank you for that. It is done. Glad you liked it, the title was the hardest,lol. Thanks again, much appreciated and love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

Bonitaj

16 years 7 months ago

Freedom from the Sword

Gives power to the pen! Sorry Liz! Couldn't resist that! Have to tell you - this is the first time I've viewed your work and I am suitably impressed! Lovely write.... I will be back! Boni

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Thank you Boni

I am glad you liked this . I have read some of your work and enjoyed it very much. I keep forgetting to add to the buddy list so I have to keep a search on the latest's. I finally have added 3 that I do like to read, yourself included, so hopefully now I will not miss out on others writes. Thank you again and love to you and yours. Lyz, Xx

ziggy

16 years 7 months ago

freedom from the sword

enda, patrick collins. hi lyz ,the title fits well good flow nicely done have a spooky one my friend chat soon,,,,,,,,,,, zigs

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Hiya Ziigs

Glad you popped in, I will check out your spooky one soon, lol. I have a little catching up to do so when I have finished I will. Love to you and yours. Lyz. Xx

hugo la rosa

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Lyz:

Turning his back to violence, when all he did was violent at one time, requires triple the valor. Nice human lesson you got there in your poem. As usual your versification is wondrous. Sincerely, Hugo

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dearest Hugo

Lovely to see you back, you took a while, so, I hope all is okay?. You are here now. Good. Thank you and I am glad you liked this poem. I think even in this day and age some who have to fight may not really want to. Thank you once again dear man and welcome back, I hope you bought some new additions to read. lol Love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

Geezer

16 years 7 months ago

Would the day come...

When all can put down the sword, I fear it a long time coming and I will for sure will never see it. You see the dream, I see the impossibility. Still... the hope! Never, should we give up on the impossible dream! I love the optimism and the thought that there are those that will not give up! I battle for the day that it will come, even though I hold little hope. Still, that little hope... is what makes me battle on. It takes a braver man than I to put down the sword in the face of surely losing all, but maybe that is what it is all about. I ramble... Great Job! ~ Sir Gee

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Aww dear Gee, lovely once again to see your smily face.

Thank you, but I like the ramble,lol. You are right, I do not think a day like this will come too soon. I am so glad to see you back in the seat and Killer has given that hospital a little reprieve, yet he may soon go back for a check up or is that a cleanup of what he left behind,? lol. Thank you Sir, lots of love to you and yours, From Lyz. Xx

RobertKnott

16 years 7 months ago

Hi...

A lovely one Lyz. You speak of a courage deep and uncommon.

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Thank you Mr Robert Knott

I am glad that u liked it and thank you once again, love to you and yours, Lyz, XX

Hooded Stranger

16 years 7 months ago

Man of war

Lyz, great little piece this with a good flow of rhyme. I was disappointed he wandered off. I would have liked him to have attacked the village as he couldn't break away from what he really was inside...a soldier, a killer. However, a happy ending of sorts is ok. small typo: he does’nt look back - should be doesn't. regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear HS

I am glad you liked except for the ending but you to put a spanner in the works with a sad one yourself, your Photographs. Left me speechless. I hate sad. But all in all it was a beautiful written memory, too much sadness yesterday. Thank you and love to you and yours. Love Lyz, XX

jabuu

16 years 7 months ago

Hi

Good flow. wonderfully carved words. simple diction and a great piece of poem.

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Jabu

Thank you, I always write in simple diction, lol. Glad you liked and lots of love to you and yours. Lyz. Xx

Nordic cloud

16 years 7 months ago

"Blast the blade the sword of fire," 

and no more to kill,...............do you need AND? In the rhythm! he will no longer obey,...........he'll?instead of will?  This is a little chap all dressed up for Hallooween and he finds he is alone and is not sure he really ever wanted to dress up; or did I get it wrong? Just those two places I found the rhythm's pattern slightly awkward but then its perfect dear Lyz. Love from Ann.

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Ann

Done and thank you for that. This is about a soldier of long ago who decided to walk away from war. Thanks again Ann, Love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 7 months ago

Nice Rhyme

and fairly good flow in this poem of revelation. If only we could all turn our backs on the bloody battle and learn to live in peace. However, I think we have a long way to go before that happens, but perhaps it begins with one. Nice work. ~Pamela

lyz

16 years 7 months ago

Dear Pamela

Thank you for your lovely comment. There is too much fighting. Once again thank you. Love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

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