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G
GRiM
Dec 01, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The End of the Road

It all falls in it's place sometime,
Not even love is as loyal as your shadow,
All you need is time,
and you will see what is hollow.
They conduct the sin,
and yet,
it will still burn your skin.
Don't stay under the shade,
The shade hides the dirt,
A human will fade,
leaving behind what is hurt.
Two demons broke me apart,
They slither like snakes,
They shared my  heart,
They are nothing but playdol; fake.
I was kept happy by lies,
In her arms; i tought i was home,
but i opened my eyes,
to see that i was alone.
 

— GRiM, Dec 01, 2009
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Critiques

B

blistered-pen

16 years 6 months ago

what's up newbie??

I liked the beginning and I liked the end, but, you did lose me for second in the middle; "They conduct the sin, and yet, it will still burn your skin. Don’t stay under the shade, The shade hides the dirt, A human will fade, leaving behind what is hurt." Who or what will conduct the sin? What burns your skin? I didn't understand what or who you were talking about, but a good first post. The apostrophe in "it's" doesn't need to be there, you left the "h" out of thought. Again, a good first post and I'm on my way to your second. :) -JRS

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