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Sunshine Lost

Sunshine Lost

Give this winter life a breath of light

It’s grey and dreary sky leaves ashes of snow in flight

Blocking out the sun and Trapping in cold

Its bitter twisted thoughts arctic blast unfold

 

Like all living life will come to and end

Winter rears its ugly head again

It’s cold touch of death consuming all in its path

Washing away playful carelessness in a white ice bath

 

I feel its deathly hand grip at my soul

Freezing and cracking and chilling my bones

Not quick to kill but a torture die slow

Don’t move, be still it’s commanding voice grows

 

I need to feel the sweet caress of springs laughing rain

I need to feel the loving comfort of its warmth again

I need the easy living that summer once brought

I need the happiness of my sunshine now lost


— Spectrum, Dec 08, 2009

Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 6 months ago

Spectrum...

Hi, welcome to the site... I read your profile and see you are a musician, and if you have music to this piece it could help to keep a rhythm, but as a poem I felt some of the sentences were long and disruptive as far as spoken word, the best way to check your work is to read it aloud, then work on where it doesn't flow for your own voice. The title was ok, the language good, the content is on an over-written subject, but I did like the way you described freezing over... with a little work, this could be very good. again, welcome to the site, and keep writing! Richard

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