The boy I use to love

Awww hon, i feel for you. And i hope my girlfriend never has to write something like that.

Very sweet Nicole! Not a fan of love poems myself, but you got some alright imagery happening here and a dream like tone here, somewhere between a happy day dream trance and a sad memory. I know you mentioned you don't think you're very good, but I think you're good for a starter and of course starters always need work and an extra hand in getting there. You do good with grammar in your poems, you put periods where sentences should end, put commas in the right places, that fun stuff that actually not all poets do. I never used to until someone pointed it out to me. This is going to be petty but I find it tends to be a beginning poet's thing. Punctuation in your title. I personally don't use exclamation marks in titles, to me it does read a bit amateur. Just my opinion however, you don't have to use everything I tell you LOL. Otherwise the only thing I can pick out of the poem is capitalization. "I" needs to be capitalized, and so do the letters that are the beginning of sentences. The rest will come to you naturally. The more you write, the better you get. If you need help with anything, feel free to ask!!! Peace out and keep writing

It has the sweet element. I feel the need to add a little grim. So I take it this was a past crush. What I have always found is that the past is there for a reason. And if you don't want it in the past, bring it in to the future. Or at least in the context of poem. Regret does not, for me in my opinion make great poetry. And since it's set in a past tence I feel the need to point it out. But I can see that I should read more of your work. And I will. Interesting. My suggestion is to bring it in to present tense. Then it can be romantic and positive, full of life, not what might have been but wasn't. Same inspiration, just a smudge of fiction and inflection. Julie D.D.

A touching love story but as Morgana states, when you refer to yourself the letter "I" should always be capitalised! So many write in lower case these days trying to be profound and hip, not that it's the case here, but to me it implies laziness or lack of command of the English language. Correct punctuation and grammar can lift a mere statement to the next level. This of course does not hold true if a poem is in the language of the street and educationally challenged people, you know what I mean, "Yo bro watcha gonna do 'bout it", and so forth. Not sure I agree with D.D. about bringing it into the present tense as it's a story of a lost love and lost implies past tense. Sorry D.D. it's just my own humble opinion. I agree with omitting the exclamation from the title. Your first line, "His eyes like a cloudless blue sky", beautiful! Baz

hmmmmmm.its sweet

Ok i promised I would check this out tonight, so tired right now I am, but I don't intend to make emtpy my words. I was going to do an analysis, but it seems there is enough said already. Setting aside technical stuff, I liked what you have here :) I know your new and I can't wait to see how you develope. For now I'm glad to see you are running with at least the right idea. Peace and cheers logic

The seeds of a really good poem... The first four lines, really wonderful. title: used to or *once* some ideas: His eyes like a cloudless blue sky, his lips like soft pink roses He seems as tall as a mountain. When I was with him I felt I could fly he's the one I thought would never make me cry. With him all I could do was smile, he made the i of me feel like I was the only girl in the world . He was the one I once loved. He was the one I once loved to hug. He should have been the one… Welcome aboard, I have a feeling about you. ~A Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

Nicole I am happy you came to the room last night and I love your poem. Hope to see more of your works and keep it up.. Katie is right!! magicso2

The title should read: The Boy I Used To Love. Hello and I hope I have been of help to you. A very good poem, otherwise. Keep writing. Always, Cat

Laurence gives you a big hug :)

Cheers, Jess, whose nature is irrepressible

This poem reaches out to those harbouring broken hearts, such as myself. It lets you know that you're not the only one to go through this. There is ALWAYS sunshine after the storm.. Great Write. Phoenix.