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Life,an art

Beings are mould to display a picture
The art displayed dicticts our entails
If the mind we potray were to be art
The words we alter will be a full image
The world stomach billions of men
With only two pictures to speak whom we are
The path to which all thoughts are acted
Comes as forcast from a scene on our minds
All our past flashes as views
Views produced with the touch of colour arrays
If the deeds of all is to be mend
Plus the will of means be acted
it will come to view as slides
Creating an insight into men as man
— tsbabadepoet, Dec 22, 2009

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

badly in need of some spellchecking, Tsbaba

Beings are mould[ED] to display a picture The art displayed dicticts[DEPICTS] our entails[ENTRAILS] If the mind we potray[PORTRAY] were to be art The words we alter will be a full image The world stomach[S] billions of men With only two pictures to speak whom we are [MEANING NOT CLEAR. WHICH 2 PICTURES?] The path to which all thoughts are acted Comes as forcast[FORECAST] from a scene on[IN?] our minds All our past flashes as views Views produced with the touch of colour arrays If the deeds of all is[ARE] to be mend[ED] Plus the will of means be acted it will come to view as slides Creating an insight into men as man Do the corrections then have a look at how well it says what you want to say. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
tsbabadepoet

tsbabadepoet

16 years 1 month ago

Correction

Beings are moulded to display a picture The art displayed depicts our entrails If the mind we portray were to be art The words we alter will be a full image The world stomachs billions of men With only two pictures to speak whom we are Our thoughts in truth and acts in false The path to which all thoughts are acted Comes as forecast from a scene in our minds All our past flashes as views Views produced with the touch of colour arrays If the deeds of all are to be mended Plus the will of means be acted it will come to view as slides Creating an insight into men as man
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 1 month ago

up the top of the page,

just under the title, you will see a button ""Edit". If you click that you can revise the poem as it is posted. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible

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