caught in the middle

Standing here,
But my mind wants to go,
Knowing the real truth,
But choosing not to grow cause,

Im so low,
I feel so ashamed,
Cause knowing what im doing now,
Will bring shame to hes name, If i...

Go and proclaim the gospel of Christ,
Telling people one thing,
Then bringing out the knife,
But its not right,

But im scared to step to the light,
Instead i step then fall,
Now living in this deep hole,
Where no one can hear me call,

But still im praying for all the people on top,
Not worrying about me,
Just letting me body rot,
But Gods still there,
Knowing that i got the faith,
But Lord help me now,
Cause my life is stake,

And all the chances you make for me,
Im so blessed,
But i'll probably blow it all again,
By getting into some mess,

Then letting people down,
I feel like a hypocrite,
But i cant admit to it,
But yet im so confused,
One day livng for God,
The next living for the sword,

I cant afford to lose you,
Having dreams of you coming back to earth to get your people,
But leaving me here,
Because i disappeared long ago,

Not choosing to no about you,
Or your son,
Now look what ive done,
I cant feel you anymore,
So there's no point to live,
Its too late to forgive,
It's all over,
So i'll never get to meet the one and only jehovah.