the girl in empty rooms

yep, even I am not the least tempted to offer harsh criticism here, it would be like a bull in a china shop. I do feel some concern though, your structure, indenting, is exquisite, perhaps integral, and can be so easily lost in publishing. "Shaped" poems are problematic at best in reproduction. I just suggest you take all precautions when publishing to ensure it appears on the printed page exactly as you intend it. PDF's help with that. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

Jess has said it with aplomb ... beautifully done ... congrates on spotlight love and hugs Jayne x x

about the beauty and the bull in the china shop. I particularly like the way you expressed the soiled quality of some (all?) relationships. I found your use of "lay" in the first line interesting. I don't know whether you meant to make the self an object or if it was lay/lie confusion but it adds to the poem. This reminded me of a book I loved as a child - Mandy by Julie Andrews. Love your work.

I have missed you and your poems. Gorgeous. Nothing else to say. ~A p.s. I still have that Picasso print. Over 40 years.

I particularly like the line "Unfleshed" Your poetry is so beautiful the way you write astounds me I specifically love particular writers or poets and you have always been striking Thank you ever so much whitetea

This was a really interesting read. It spoke of so much. Having everything in having what others think of as not much. Really liked the way you set out the lines. I also liked your use of ''fleshed'' i look forward to reading more of your work vicki

I think this is great.. at first I thought it was you buying a home, but I re-read it and see it's not quite that. The images are wonderful. I would only say that "scanning for signs of life" is just a bit cliche.. and it still works, but may be something to consider changing.

a revisit of a place that once was called "home"? I have a feeling there is more to this empty house than meets the eye... maybe that's why you ticked the "use care" option? But, speculation aside, this is true poetry. It makes the reader see and feel. Thank you, I am glad to have found this here. Yours, ~Nina

Ann of Norway Oh will a comment come to cover this story? I loved the emptiness and yet...... Its the empty vessel that give shape to the water. Or something like that I think Esha Joshi of India wrote that, she's still alive. And what you describe that ISN'T there is as important a comment on society and its pettiness, its odd cult-like banality. The colours, the stench all aspects adding to hold the skeleton of the empty house, in our imagination, plausible. Fascinating White tea ceremony, I will come and sit in your tea house any time and partake of a cup or Sencha with you, I have a Kimono, not with the elaborate belt, but the simple kind, we drink Sencha every day first thing. Why I mention tea houses is also because of the well known criticism Easterners make of Western society with all their nick-nacks on the 'mantelpiece'! That's me dated!!!! Love Ann

Wow! This is a wonderful poem. It so well-written! Great work! I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.