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J
jesusfreak92
Jan 07, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Untouchable

 

 

She’s filled her life with fallacies
In a futile attempt to disguise her brokenness.
Battered and abandoned, used up by this world
Led to believe that beauty is unattainable
True Love a fantasy.
Is this all she will ever be?
Her life has been lived behind a mask
That no one has cared to see through
The scars on her wrists are nothing compared to the scars on her heart
Many hands see her, though none dare touch her (damn them!)
To them, she’s untouchable…
Unreachable…
Dirty…
Worthless…
A lost cause.
(All lies, my Dear. Trust me, I know.)
She can’t see an end in sight, save the one she makes for herself
So tonight she holds the small cold demon in her trembling hand yet again
Looking to end it all
But this time as the blood and tears mingle
A gentle, steady Hand covers hers
Touching her with a Love she never imagined could exist
Realization floods her soul, her heart races with a growing hope
“My dear child, this price has already been paid.”
Hands touch her, heal her, wipe away her tears of shame
Now she sees herself through His eyes, instead of her own
She is treasured…
Loved…
Desired…
Sought after…
Beautiful.
(The list goes on and on!)
She is covered in His blood now, instead of her own.

— jesusfreak92, Jan 07, 2010
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Critiques

DG

Dezein Graham

16 years 5 months ago

I think the narrative

I think the narrative you put in this is pretty good. My favorite line is this: "So tonight she holds the small cold demon in her trembling hand" Edited because my feelings about the topic really have nothing to do with the quality of this poem. Again, I think it's a good narrative. It could use some work structurally, I think, and maybe more allusion (showing, not telling) similar to the line I quoted above...
C

Clem

16 years 5 months ago

I am

I liked the alliteration with which you started. ditto on the favorite line above. I can put myself in the feelings expressed as she turned away from her despair. Perhaps I might be picking nits but she was tempted to her chosen end because of rejection rather than a realization of her sin. He died for her sin, not her rejection and despair. On the other hand,it is just like Jesus not to make this distinction, that is, to reach out to whatever need the person is feeling. I just talked myself out of it. He did die for her despair. Great poem.
J

jesusfreak92

16 years 5 months ago

First off, thank you so much

First off, thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad that you were able to relate to the feelings I was trying to describe. I also struggled with the the concept of Christ dying for her rejection...but in the end He told me that He died for every sin, every hurt, every time we're rejected. There is no distinction in His eyes. So that's what I went with. Thank you!

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