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The wedding(edited)

Cradled in his foots arch
she sheathed noir
readying herself to
ascend the dreaded wedding march

two days and 16months
she peeped, pried
prayed, peered
from under, between the fibres of his sock
fed on fingers
bitten to stump
cobweb smiles
dust pink skin

something rotted belligerently;
she offered rewards
for her backbones return
small pieces lost
each time he paced
the worn red church carpet
in apathetic anticipation

The moment
pain stakingly loomed
spectre bride
slipped down now
to the ball of his foot
melded to soft tissue
lacerating the final touches

pewter veil fashioned of lace carbon fiber
silver garter crafted of stone shackles
she needed no shoes
for she wore his
something borrowed, something blue.....
a bitten out proposal
kisses bestowed from thorns
eyes that seeped skeletons

He took her into his palm
crushed her gently
placing the remnants upon his shoulder
she rode there down the isle

— Lunegirl, Jan 13, 2010

Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vix

You dont muck about ... i love that about you ... you dive in head first and take risks ... and thats all part of improving ... I took heaps of risks not all paid off .. but i've learnt from them ... I love your writing the rawness of it ... will come back later when the nights quieter and i can have an indepth read love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe ...
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

I did take a chance with

I did take a chance with this one, im trying for a style that touches on real life dramas, using the format of going back and forth between past and present. Going with the messed up slightly wierd twisted theme, i have sent off this and the edge of reason to a magazine that accepts stranger stuff so fingers crossed! love vix xx
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

I got everything crossed for

I got everything crossed for you Vix ... you really are a fine poet ... dont ever let anyone tell you different love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Madame F, you have truly

Madame F, you have truly found your own unique, strong & resplendent, raw & edgy poetic voice. As Brian would say: Congradulations. This poem makes me think twice about hurrying down any aisle again, lol. It reminds me of Billy Idol's White Wedding for some reason. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AofzLsvTsM0 It's such a cool video and he was gorgeous. Hugs, Anna
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

Hey Anna,Thanks i like the

Hey Anna, Thanks i like the last two i've done, they are both meant to be satire, tongue in cheek as always with dark humour about the situations we find our selves in life. I think i have alot of tweaking to do still though, this one is a work in progress vicki xxx
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

Wow he was gorgeous wasn’t

Wow he was gorgeous wasn't he! He reminds me of this guy from thr film jumper http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2006/07/hayden-christensen-jumper.jpg
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Kal,insipid, hmm ill have

Hi Kal, insipid, hmm ill have to see what i can do with that, it is a clishe but i do like it as well, the decleration being the wedding proposal. we'll see. thanks for the speeling suggestions and prey is definantly meant to be pray. maybe check it after i edit later vix ; )
L

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

edited again, i looked up

edited again, i looked up fiber and it came out with that spelling, is it like colour in america, spelt differently to the english version? also belliegerently was her spine rotting so i felt it should dtay where it was, what do you think of the change to violent declaration? i struggled with this one vicki ; )
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vicki,

I totally dig this piece, for a variety of reasons. 1) great word choices 2) great imagery 3) theme (updated my wedding poem this week) 4) theme (for personal reasons) You are clearly growing by leaps and bounds. Yours, ~Nina
L

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Hey NinaI missed this

Hey Nina I missed this comment, thankyou!!! i am going to look at your wedding poem now ; ) Im glad you liked it, my friend read this yesterday and she couldn't stopping giggleing at the bizzar but linked images. Thankyou for your feed back. vix ; )

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