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Mandatory allegiance to our nation

numbing of our senses , deadening of our pain , dealing with humanity is twisting up my brain. were experts at excuses , were quick to place the blame , our leaders  have no morals , were spiraling down the drain. 24/7 reality will make a man insane. so set back and take a toke and don't play their fucking game. were in such an imposition to diagnose our on prescription , because the side effects of their medication , trys to control the population our government is to blame , we see so many fatality's because were not free to escape reality , so rise up and don't climb aboard their fucking train. lets get dazed for personal gratification,  it paves the way for self salvation , because the leaders of our nation think they know whats best for our generation , so fire it up it may not be the answer , but sure helps with the pressure to deal with life these days.

— redhill49, Mar 25, 2010

Critiques

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

16 years 2 months ago

Don't need.

I don't need a toke, after many years battling i have realized government is just rich people and invited freinds playing the games of their fathers. We could and should use our internet more powerfully to voice real peoples opinions. Anyway i am in a beautiful position mentally, where i know they play games and they can't hang you for switching off to life as they want us to think it is. Relax Roscoe... PS, What you the people of neopoet, means more to me than government ..
S

stavroula

16 years 2 months ago

fun poem, definitely got

fun poem, definitely got your point across. It's nice to see so much passion in your writing. -Stavroula
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

Now tell me this doesn't read better

and shows some weak areas that could use some editing. Especially the ending could be stronger. numbing of our senses , deadening of our pain, dealing with humanity is twisting up my brain. were experts at excuses , were quick to place the blame , our leaders  have no morals , were spiraling down the drain. 24/7 reality will make a man insane. so set back and take a toke and don’t play their fucking game. were in such an imposition to diagnose our on prescription , because the side effects of their medication , trys to control the population our government is to blame , we see so many fatality’s because were not free to escape reality , so rise up and don’t climb aboard their fucking train. lets get dazed for personal gratification, it paves the way for self salvation , because the leaders of our nation think they know whats best for our generation , so fire it up it may not be the answer , but sure helps with the pressure to deal with life these days. Cheers, Jess, “The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue.” Emma Goldman
R

redhill49

16 years 2 months ago

reads alot better

first poem i ever wrote still figuring out how to line it up properly on here but working on it sorry so long between post work doesnt alow much time thanks for the help.

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