Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

R
raskin
Apr 07, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I know the blue

You were born with a violent yank a quick tug and you slid out. Blue, limp, the life line to me snipped without sound, handed off to shadows. Behind a curtain, the silence of death hung in the air whispers, movement. I said, "Pull back the curtain." You were rubbed, suctioned a blue balloon the color of you pumped air into you. Quiet, still little arms, legs, chest words of distraction said to me meant to pull my eyes away. I answered without moving from you, I waited. Time suspended, moments. Pushing once the placenta delivered You cried, we were apart.
— raskin, Apr 07, 2010
More from this author

Critiques

docmaverick

docmaverick

16 years 2 months ago

Eloquently put....

...my friend. A truly different kind of "take" on the subject. Nicely done. Write on"! sincerely, #{:-{)}8==== docmaverick.
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

This was the birth of my

This was the birth of my youngest, separation is hard. He is growing up and he is a delight. Thank you for reading and commenting. Raskin
Rob Graber

Rob Graber

16 years 2 months ago

To Shadows

"Handed off to shadows," to live "apart" indeed: so are we all condemned--together! In this poem the lonely aspect of human reality has center stage; but is not the social aspect just "behind a curtain"?
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

Yeah, this one has a couple

Yeah, this one has a couple of different phases for me or life stages. It is about separation and the unknown, trust. There really are no guarantees that everything turns out fine. Thanks Rob for your fine comment, I do appreciate them. Raskin
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

This is a superb beautiful

This is a superb beautiful write Raskin...I really felt it. Rosina xena465
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you Rosina for the

Thank you Rosina for the kind comment. I'm glad you liked it. There are a couple of places yet I feel it may be choppy but I'll let it sit and take a look again. raskin
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Loved it Raskin!!!

This is one of your best that I have read and it brang back the memory alive in me when my son was born also. Great job here Kudos Mona Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks Mona for reading and

Thanks Mona for reading and the kind comment. Each birth experience is unique and special. I'm glad I have the little guy, although he isn't so little anymore. raskin
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

The moment of separation, it

The moment of separation, it can and was violent, traumatic for both of us. I don't exaggerate either. If anything I downplayed this. But my point is separation. Separation is a theme throughout life and it starts right at the beginning with the first wrenching one. To show the together I'm not sure what you mean, maybe you could provide direction. When that curtain was pulled in those moments I was coiling up to act if they didn't get him started, it was a very strong instinct and everyone in the room was well aware of what I wanted to do. I didn't care if I delivered the placenta on the floor. Fortunately he pinked up. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I will welcome the help, I think this one needs something. raskin
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Raskin

there is something missing ... I will think and get back to you I think this write with a few tweaks and shines would be a 'great' write love JayCee
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks JayCee for taking the

Thanks JayCee for taking the time to look at it. There are a couple of points I feel it could smooth out with the wording but retain the integrity of the poem. Sometimes I think when I write something like this one I'm still too close. Raskin
TS

The Seeker

16 years 2 months ago

Thought provoking piece

associated with building trust in the people that will be taking care of. Thank you for sharing Love,Light and Harmony The Seeker
R

raskin

16 years 2 months ago

Yeah, trust, placing

Yeah, trust, placing yourself or your child into the world and trusting it will be alright. The first time that happens is with birth. Then it happens throughout life. Thanks for reading and commenting. raskin

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in