I see the Sea

Lovely write. I've often felt like this. When everything just seems so pointless, but you know what, it's like they say "One day at a time". We get things thrown at us and it hurts, but we have to throw it right back and pick up the pieces and scrape away that dirt on our heels. Xena

while reading this write of yours.. you have taken me with you in your journey showing what you see, feel,pray and believe...i enjoyed the ride...will look to read more of yours which has such innocence about it.. warmly..raj (sublime_ocean)..

Welcome to Neopoet ... thanks for the journey in word ... simply wonderful will look out for more of your poetry in the future ... if you need help at anytime dont be afraid to ask your guide or any of the advocates or AEC committee Kind regard Jayne-Chloe (AEC) ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

Well done for overcoming the hardest step and I am delighted so many have viewed and taken the time to comment. This is a wonderful poem, a freedom about it which is not always so visible on a first post. For me the lines but fear locks me into the sand in my shoe Was a wonderful powerful image, somehow also showing the vulnerability and fragile nature of truth and belief I also look forward to reading more of your work. Seabhac

just wonderfull

Actually I like this one despite your cautions about the seriousness of your poetic skills. For me while using rhyming couplets at the beginning and end of each verse is find the final couplet often feels a little contrived and false. It is not so much the words you have chosen I think as the line lengths. What I would suggest is trying to make the final line more punchy by shortening it and then the rhyming couplet works better through increased emphasis and feeling less predictable. There are also some other lines that could benefit from shortening to assist the flow. So perhaps something like this: I see the sea and the wings of a silver bird clipping clouds but I cannot see destiny I feel like dirt under heel I want to rise up and wash it away but fear locks me (may be "grips me" would be better to tie in with the sand") like sand in my shoe.. What to do? I pray for a better day, for better pay (dont really like the triplet rhyme hear so might I suggest "prose" rather than "pay".....it kind of matches the mention of card and words in the next few lines) and the card shows me finding my way muzzling each foe, words below. I believe guardians won’t leave my embattled side through this heavy tide and that water will turn life's wheel until I escape the mill. Just some suggestions. My best wishes Keith