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B
blistered-pen
Jul 11, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Fire

version 1 (June 6)

From the trees I see

The sun burning a large hole

Through the blood red sky

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version 2 (July 11)

From my door I watch

The sun igniting the sky

Set the world on fire
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So I was just looking through some of my old stuff and found my experiments with Japanese poetry, which I was practicing for last month's contest. These two are Haikus and I was wondering if you could tell me which you think is better. They're both titled Fire.


— blistered-pen, Jul 11, 2010

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Country/Region: CAN

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blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you. There is actually

Thank you. There is actually a type of poem, choka, that is like 3 haikus together. Maybe I could write a third for fire and put them all together.. JRS
Kailashana

Kailashana

15 years 11 months ago

Agree with Whitetea.

Agree with Whitetea. Perhaps you can start a collection of Haikus inspired by the elements. ~A "There is a kind of mysticism to writing." ~ Irvine Welsh
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

That’s actually a great

That's actually a great idea, I think I'll try that. Thanks! JRS
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

My favourite is number 2,

although I agree with Whitetea and Kailashana, both are really good and work well together. I also can imagine them as part of a greater apocalyptic whole. Both are great! For the title, maybe something stronger like "Burning World". The rythm and pacing are excellent. Antoine
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

Well, as I really like

Well, as I really like kaila's idea about a collection about the elements I think I'll stick with fire, but thank you for the suggestion it's actually a great title. Maybe I can write something else with that title as I have been writing a lot with fire being the major theme. Thank you for the comment. JRS
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Blistered Pen

I like them both, but one is my favorite. I like the idea of writing a third one. Always, Cat
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

Hm, I could give that a try.

Hm, I could give that a try. Maybe four as there are four elements (since I'm going to give kaila's suggestion a try-a collection of the elements). Thank you for commenting Cat, and for the stars, very generous. :) JRS
M

Marie-I-Be

15 years 11 months ago

bloodred

I prefer the first version to the second, but I do like having the opportunity to enjoy both. By the way, bloodred as an adjective is one word, not two. And you might like to know that the plural of haiku is haiku.
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks for that and I just

Thanks for that and I just looked it up and apparently it's also supposed to be hyphenated. I remember hearing that the dictionaries were going to remove the hyphens from hyphenated words... Thanks again. JRS
M

Marie-I-Be

15 years 11 months ago

I would not use a hyphen.

Merriam-Webster's: Main Entry: bloodred Function: adjective Date: before 12th century Definition: having the color of blood
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

Okay. I just typed it and

Okay. I just typed it and that stupid red squiggly line popped up underneath it. Just like when I want to stick to British spelling. The line got the better of me. :P JRS
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barbsdad2003

15 years 11 months ago

Just ...

now checked out blood red. Yes, it's in flux, apparently, in the British English---and probably Canadian too---though given that fact I would suggest the hyphenated version before a noun, as in your cogent piece. The preeminent American English authority, Webster's, has fairly recently turned---viola!---blood red into bloodred. That's as far's I can see it. Yours, Chuck
M

Marie-I-Be

15 years 11 months ago

Trying ...

... not to beat this issue to death! If it's not going to be one word in this context because of geographically oriented habits, then the hyphen would certainly win. But two words as an adjective, no can do. As far as British-based dictionaries moving toward elimination of hyphens in certain word combinations, I think the intent there is to gravitate in most cases toward combining the two words into one, not just removing the hyphen and leaving a space. Now I'm inspired to write a poem containing "bloodred" somewhere within!
B

blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

I’m not really sure if it

I'm not really sure if it was going to be only British dictionaries to remove the hyphens, I just remember hearing about it before. Plus the British/Canadian spelling I like to stick to is usually incorrect on most sites I'm a member of because they use American spelling (re my comment about the squiggly line). I think I'll change it to bloodred when I've come up with my other two (as I'm going to stick to the traditional four elements). Thank you both though, for enlightening me as I had no idea that bloodred was one word (obviously). JRS PS When I say traditional I just mean they're the elements I'm used to.
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

4 elements?

Not necessarily. In most western tradition yes, Air, Earth, Fire, and Water, originally from the ancient Greeks. Plato considered there was a fifth one, Quintessence, "the god used for arranging the constellations on the whole heaven", Aristotle replaced it with Ether. The Buddhist tradition has Void instead of Quintessence/Ether. The Chinese tradition has Earth, Fire, Metal, Water, and Wood. For Zoroastrians, it was Cattle, Earth, Fire, Metal, Plants, and Water. I just did a fun little research for this, on ask.com. Sometimes elements are associated with a gender, or a host of different things. I'm not sure if this will work as a link but you copy and paste the following address, it was my starting point. http://www.ask.com/bar?q=chinese+elements+&page=1&qsrc=2891&dm=all&ab=0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.friesian.com%2Felements.htm&sg=9i%2FbBZop0nqve92XviTVOtjpKKiVysmRPsO6aWB3XHg%3D%0D%0A&tsp=1279126029157 There's cetainly nothing wrong with going with the 4 western classical elements, but it's not the only possibility. Antoine
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blistered-pen

15 years 11 months ago

I can’t believe I forgot

I can't believe I forgot about the Chinese elements. I used to be obsessed with Chinese astrology but that was awhile ago. I still haven't decided exactly what I want to do but if anyone else, and you, have anymore suggestions I'd love to hear them. JRS

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