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Dark.Poetress
Dark.Poetress
Jul 18, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lullaby for a princess

My princess please come to me,
My lullaby a to sooth your ache.

Your pain I see,
Let me take.

Your pain can leave with me,
I can take the pain for your sake.

I take my relief,
I have special ways.

I am a pain theif,
When I leave the pain never stays.

I am the relief of pain,
But I'm also the one with nothing to lose or gain.


                                       ~Ash Knight
— Dark.Poetress, Jul 18, 2010
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Critiques

M

magics02

15 years 11 months ago

Hello Poet

May I tweak this up a tad bit for you here if you don't mind My princess will you please come to me My lullaby to share and sooth your ache Your pain I see Let me take Your pain, may you leave it with me I shall take the pain for your sake I take the relief I have special ways I am a pain thief When I leave the pain it never stays I am the relief Of your pain But I am also the one with nothing to lose or gain ~Ash Knight Hey I seen too many too I's in here and I just worked it a little. It is not really complete and since it is your write I would like to see if you can shorten up the lines and re-work this. It could be a great write and I am just offering some raw truth nothing to take as offensive. Hopeing you don't mind. Let me know if you will please. I thank you Mona Magics

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