Is it my lucky day?

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

By Rula, 27 June, 2012

Is it my lucky day?

That's at least
what others
might say
when they see
me
locked in
you.

They didn't know
that when you held
my heart there
you promised
to keep it free
for me,
but
on the contrary,
you locked me in,
and you went,
you left,
and you never said
if 'tis my lucky day!

judyanne

13 years ago

compelling in a way

can't crit anything here rula
except maybe the last line
imho, the beginning, although great, and i wouldn't suggest you change that, somehow spoils the thought of the last line, as we have already read it...

i actually think it would work better if you dropped the last line entirely and finish with
'and you never said'

love judy
xxx

Rula

13 years ago

Thanks for reading

dear juddy..I too like the suggestion and shall give it a thought at least for my
future writings ,if any...:)

Thanks

loved

13 years ago

we all get locked

some within
some without
and
the lover who promises,
but falls out
its a doubt whether he too can
safely freely live without

Rula

13 years ago

TRUE!!

Thank you loved.

Ian.T

13 years ago

Rula

The others have said near all there is to say, and this is a good write, Judy picked up the last two lines:-

and you never said
if 'tis my lucky day!

Something like:-

You never told me
It (was/is) my lucky day...
See you soon and keep writing, Yours Ian.T

Candlewitch

13 years ago

Dear Rula,

I enjoyed your poem on posessiveness. and it made me a little sad. If you were to change the last two lines, would you consider these as an alternative:

and keeping your own counsel...
you never said a word

always, Cat