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“untethered”

“untethered”

shelves of faces wheel past our names
we dissolve on blinking glass—
silent exits logged but never traced
by the circuits that once claimed us

our missteps vanish in tangled code,
no pardon queued;
the platform shrugs in empty bits,
leaving apologies half-typed and gone

perhaps erasure spills relief:
we unhook from worn-out errors,
drop the weight of old regrets
that bruised our shoulders for years

light on our feet, we step beyond the frame
into roads uncharted,
laughter stirred by fresh horizons—
ready at last for what comes next

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About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem, “untethered,” explores themes of digital identity, erasure, and renewal with a nuanced and contemplative tone. The imagery of “shelves of faces” and “blinking glass” effectively evokes the experience of being observed or catalogued within digital or social media environments, where personal histories are recorded yet impersonal.

The metaphor of “circuits that once claimed us” is compelling, suggesting a loss of agency and the mechanized nature of digital existence. The poem’s progression from the coldness of “silent exits logged but never traced” to the hopeful “light on our feet” and “roads uncharted” creates a satisfying narrative arc from entrapment to liberation.

One area for further consideration is the balance between abstract and concrete imagery. While the technological metaphors are strong, incorporating a few more tactile or sensory details could deepen the emotional resonance. For example, expanding on the physical sensation of “bruised shoulders” might ground the metaphor of regret more vividly.

The poem’s structure—with short stanzas and line breaks—supports the reflective mood, but varying line length or rhythm slightly might enhance the flow and emphasize key moments, such as the transition from erasure to renewal.

Finally, the closing lines offer a hopeful resolution, but the phrase “ready at last for what comes next” could be strengthened by more specific or evocative language to leave a lasting impression.

Overall, the poem thoughtfully engages with contemporary concerns about identity and memory in the digital age, and with some refinement in imagery and rhythm, it can achieve even greater impact.

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