1

The glass pieces at my feet begin to move
they float, ever so gently into the air
my skin,
begins, to crack and fracture
the glass shards, seep into me
And for what reason?
creeping, into my bones, striking unpleasant poses
but for what reason?
I sleep upon a bed of glass
in a field of headless roses.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: just uh messing around, something about my poor mental health, i've been feeling a bit bad lately and it helps to write it out in a pretty fashion 4 me.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: amurica

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 6 months ago

Welcome

Welcome to Neopoet. Both your language use and pacing are great. I definitely get a sense of beginning and end. I follow the logic, at least, I have my own conclusion as to meaning.

I read your last few words. How are you doing? Mental health struggles are tough and it can feel pretty lonely. You’re not alone here. We all do our best to support each other in the day to day. I’m glad you found us and I’m glad you’re writing to process some feelings. I find your poem a bit dark but my own darkness projects some understanding onto your piece. The images are both graphic and surreal.

I offer my time if you ever need to vent or blow off steam or whatever, you can message me. Many of the others have been a huge help to me when I was feeling down or alone.

Welcome again,
Tim

M4GG0TM3NT4L

2 years 6 months ago

Thank you for your comment!

Thank you for your comment! im feeling better today lol, that poem's just been floating in my head for a while :)

Jackweb

2 years 6 months ago

Welcome to neooet!

I agree with Tim on that. It has some sad moments. Your word usage has said it.

"I sleep upon a bed of glass
in a field of headless roses". Visual imagery! I can perceive some objects that significantly resembles your experience.

I read your beautiful heart touching piece, touch of reality!
.

M4GG0TM3NT4L

2 years 6 months ago

ahhh thank you!!!!

Rula

2 years 6 months ago

Intriguing

I just thought the piece would read stronger without stating the question
And for what reason?

I know you need to show the uncertainty state of mind, there could be a better way to say it
Simply "why?) Could make the job.
Only me
Take the suggestion or leave it . Your poem, your decision