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May 24, 2011
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110B
and they all ask me
how was the vacation
start by listening and end
by walking away disinterested
envy never hears much but
i survey the old room
take in the peeled paint
the new lights and old faces
brightness makes them ashen
dulled of life
full of vicissitudes
i finally am not like them
i am grateful i know this for
the last man who spoke to me
said
you are not like anyone i've met
he wasn't like you
slight stoop with short brown hair
tall without confidence
soft drawl that would wilt tulips
on a clammy summer spent
in deep southern fried states
he listened and hung off words
debated with urgency the
pull of my mouth against his
stilled the poetry forming
until now
the bright lights turned
everyone ashen in a winter morning
keeping him rich red metaphor
stood in the middle of a moment
the night is always worth
far more in imagination
once it ends
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
Don't listen to a word I say, my mouth is full of wormwood
(absinthe)
but this feels like two poems.
and what is 110B ?
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
two parts..very true..one part when I returned from vacations
the other part happened on vacation and the title is an apartment number, perhaps it needs the apartment name too?
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
Thanks JC, I don't dispute
Thanks JC, I don't dispute Jess not understanding it lol it's a male thing along with absinthe *wink
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
works ok
As a hotel too but it was an apartment :)
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
lol How do you get badness
lol How do you get badness from it? I am single, travelling on vacation lol what's bad about that? The rest is up to the reader's imagination lol
Candlewitch
14 years 1 month ago
Hi C.C.
I assumed the title was an apartment or room number. So I guess I was right. Yes it did feel like two parts, a before and after. So you have conveyed it well. My favorite lines are:
the bright lights turned
everyone ashen in a winter morning
keeping him rich red metaphor
stood in the middle of a moment
the night is always worth
far more in imagination
once it ends
this is very deep.
always, Cat