Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
2
insert the needle into the brain
and sew it shut.
it no longer wishes for pain
take the open vein
and sew it shut.
melting into the fog as it shrouds
dissapearing into every crowd, surrounded yet
standing alone
another statistic, another hunk of bone
should my eyes begin to wet
sew them shut.
there's no use for tears, no matter how much the pain rears it's ugly head
the rain sings a chorus,
of why I should be dead
About This Poem
Last Few Words: another one that's been swimming in my mind for a while
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
M4GG0TM3NT4L
2 years 6 months ago
ughhh
it messed up the formatting </3
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 6 months ago
I can see that
I’m not exactly sure how it is supposed to look but I read it differently. I understand the rhythm of it and it’s actually quite good while still being loose. The patterns I think I’m seeing are unique and that makes for an interesting rhythm.
Tim
Geezer
2 years 6 months ago
Interesting...
and sew good! I get the thrust of it, the sewing shut of the parts that do not agree. I can think of a million reasons not to be dead. ~ Geezer.
.
M4GG0TM3NT4L
2 years 6 months ago
thank you guys for reading :)
thank you guys for reading :)
Rula
2 years 6 months ago
Sounds
much pain .well expressed
Nothing to suggest.
Be well.