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2020
here we are in twenty twenty
we've increasing influenza
some no cash, too many plenty
we just call that affluenza
we look to each coming season
as we wait for spring this winter
on the earth committing treason
will more polar ice caps splinter
now with earth's ice caps set on melt
we could with buckets big enough
drop water on the flaming belt
surrounding earth - gee things are tough
to save the honey bees somehow
miracles will become needed
but we've got phony honey now
and corn sugar geo-seeded
kids still starve in that old third world
other lands ears on each I phone
smart bombs can think they're not just twirled
and the seas learn to live alone
wealthy still get the best tax cuts
fights are on with man and weather
dirty old men call women butts
who'll pluck the last phoenix feather
beyond the smoke still float blue skies
to reflect under ocean scum
man versus earth - who'll fall who'll rise
to hear the next beat of the drum
About This Poem
Last Few Words: this contest is open to new participants. i am not sure what this means. how new? i have been here a while.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years 5 months ago
The title...
surely isn't original or all that. I think you can do better. Language use is good and climate change certainly is a [let me pun here], hot topic. It flowed well from beginning to end and was consistent all the way through. I enjoyed your rhyme as it was steady right through. ~ Geezer.
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