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4
4
If my eyes weren’t brown
They’d be blue….
4 misuse of discretion,
4 not using discretion
4 being a ho
4 breaking, my family’s
Hearts
4- losing control
4 loneliness (a sad affair)
4 being a menopausal bitch
4 envy
4 being scared
4 getting burnt( v.d.)
4 dumb decisions
4 Being scared & Naïve (Dumb)
4 telling my judges some bull
4
4 my People
4 ancestors:
Enslaved and abused
4 wishing on a star
4 being shy
4 being confused
4 miles to go, before I weep
4 claiming to know to God
Jesus, and Abraham
4 scratching the surface
4 being afraid of being afraid
4 the cold-blooded
And diabolical anguish
4 the Promises (those promises)
4 apologies
4 a sunless sky
4 wayward, sin
4
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 1 day ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem employs the repeated motif of "4" as both a visual and thematic device, functioning as a list of confessions, regrets, or self-accusations. The use of "4" instead of "for" introduces a numerical and almost mechanical rhythm, which contrasts with the emotional vulnerability of the content. This choice invites multiple interpretations: "4" as a tally, a score, or a burden of reasons and justifications.
The poem’s structure is fragmentary, with each line presenting a discrete admission or lament. This fragmentation mirrors the speaker’s sense of disarray or overwhelm, and the accumulation of grievances gives the poem a confessional tone. The list format also resists narrative closure, leaving the reader with a sense of ongoing reckoning.
There is a notable interplay between personal and collective guilt or pain: the poem moves from individual actions ("4 being a ho," "4 dumb decisions") to communal or historical suffering ("4 my People / 4 ancestors: / Enslaved and abused"). This shift broadens the poem’s scope, connecting personal shame to inherited trauma.
The language is direct, sometimes colloquial, and at times deliberately abrasive ("menopausal bitch," "telling my judges some bull"), which creates a raw, unfiltered voice. This can be effective in conveying authenticity, though it risks alienating readers who may be distracted by the more provocative choices.
The poem’s references—to family, ancestors, religious figures, and literary allusions ("4 miles to go, before I weep")—suggest a search for meaning or redemption amid self-reproach. The repetition of "4" as a refrain underscores the relentlessness of this self-examination.
Areas for further exploration include clarifying the relationship between the speaker and their audience, and considering whether the accumulation of grievances could be shaped to build toward a particular emotional or thematic climax. Additionally, the poem could benefit from attention to pacing: some lines are densely packed with meaning, while others feel more cursory.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its willingness to confront discomfort and its inventive use of form. The challenge is to balance the rawness of confession with moments of reflection or synthesis, so that the reader is not left solely with a catalogue of regret, but also with insight into the speaker’s journey.
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