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May 19, 2024
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'59 Plymouth...
For sale: 1959 Plymouth 4-dr. Blk. with red interior.
318 V-8, with 4bbl. auto-transmission
65, 000 mi. needs new battery and tune-up
Clear title, no liens - $65.00 firm.
It was love at first sight,
long, dark and intriguing
just a little bit rusted,
she said, to me screaming,
"Take me home sweetheart
You won't be sorry"
I forked over the loot,
my eyes were all starry.
A scrub and a tune-up
new battery 'n more
derusted and painted
mended holes in the floor
I learned all her tricks
we went everywhere
We had many adventures
and I've stories to share
We parted at last,
too tired was she
I traveled long distance
I set her free...
To a little old lady,
I gave her away
They both went to heaven
the very next day.
Old blinded eyes,
in the sun's setting glare
couldn't see the new sign
the Bridge Out, Beware
An untimely demise
for both, I'm afraid
The '59 Plymouth
and the little old maid.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 1 month ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem '59 Plymouth' presents a narrative that is clear and easy to follow. The use of colloquial language and the casual tone of the poem effectively convey the speaker's personal connection to the car. The narrative arc is well-structured, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The transition from the car's advertisement to the speaker's personal experience is abrupt. The poem could benefit from a smoother transition to help maintain the flow of the narrative.
The poem could also benefit from more vivid and varied imagery. While the description of the car and the speaker's experiences with it are clear, they could be more engaging if they were more detailed and used more sensory language.
The ending of the poem is surprising and adds an interesting twist to the narrative. However, it feels a bit rushed. The poem could benefit from more development of this part of the story, to give the reader a better understanding of the events and their impact on the speaker.
Finally, the poem's rhythm and meter are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Working on the meter could improve the poem's rhythm and make it more enjoyable to read.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 year 1 month ago
I will...
look at the meter and see if I might make some improvements. As for adding to the details, this is a tight narrative, which requires a short and limited number of lines. ~ Geezer.
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Leslie
1 year 1 month ago
Geez
What a cool car, probably could fly and nearly indestructible to boot. Great writing. My buddy had a ford galaxy that was similar only it was white.
Geezer
1 year 1 month ago
She was...
pretty near indestructible! She took all the punishment of a first-time driver, and I loved to drive. I put about eighty thousand more miles on her odometer. [BTW, the story's ending was made up, I did give her away, to my friend's mother, and they didn't die together]. Thanks for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Alex Tanner
1 year 1 month ago
Hi Geez.
She wasn't called 'Christine' by any chance. Alex
Geezer
1 year 1 month ago
No...
her name was "Her". Judy, my then wife, didn't like her much at first, and referred to the car as IT! I wouldn't refer to her as an it, and eventually, my wife became friends with Her. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
1 year 1 month ago
Dear Geez,
I had a Green Galaxy 500. she handled like a boat... the love of my life was a turquoise '67 GTO (Goat) I love the poem...your style shines through!
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
1 year 1 month ago
I also...
had a Galaxy 500! '63, Bronze color, with brown interior. I made numerous changes to it and it was called "Wild Thing".
Had it painted on the rear fenders in multi-colored letters. Actually, was my second car. Thank you for the read and comments.
~ Geez.
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Lavender
1 year 1 month ago
'59 Plymouth
Hello, Geezer,
Wonderful poem! So glad the ending didn't really happen! I can believe she truly spoke to you - this is the way our first cars came to be ours. Mine was a 64 Ford Galaxie - white with red interior. So many fond memories! Thank you for this! Really enjoyed!
L
Geezer
1 year 1 month ago
My third car...
a '64 Galaxie, [thank you for reminding me of the proper spelling of Galaxie], white with red interior. I am glad that you enjoyed this piece; it was a pleasure to hear that so many of us had such great memories of our first cars. I have had a love of all my cars and can remember some details and stories about all of them. Maybe we can do this again sometime. Thanks again, for letting me know how much you liked this one. ~ Geez.
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William Lynn
1 year ago
Well, that was a fun read.
Well, that was a fun read.
Somehow the fins, oh those fins, were involved in the joy of ownership. Christine would be so proud of your achievements and they don't have to be real! Best Wishes, Will
Geezer
1 year ago
Thank you...
Yes, those fins! I had a couple with fins. The '59 Plymouth, and a '57 Chrysler Imperial. Lots of fins and rocket-taillights. In those days, everywhere you looked, the road was full of big, old cars. I've written a couple of my first cars into some of my poems. Why not? They are retro cool. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geezer.
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Wallyroo92
7 months ago
'59 Plymouth
What an engaging piece, filled with some nostalgia and heartfelt emotions mixed with the modern style of a great memory.
There's nothing like the feeling of the first car, regardless of age or location, the feeling of independence mixed with responsibility made us grow and mature.
Thank you for sharing.
W
Geezer
7 months ago
My pleasure...
Yes, first car. Of course, if you read the last word, you will know that the demise of the '59 Plymouth was made up; actually, I sold it to a friend who gave it to his mother, where it wound up after that, I do not know. ~ Geezer.
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whitetea
3 weeks ago
Cars are new interest of mine
Cars are new interest of mine introduced by a friend who inherited a family car 66 impala covertible, bought by her grandfather. Supposed to be given to her father but he died young. She goes to car shows to honor her grandpa's traditions.
These really do bring back past eras. Every car has a story and there's something to be said about relationships between the vehicle and driver. Wind in the hair. Night drives.
Restoring cars is a mechanic skill and an art.
I've gone to many car shows in the last year and met so many people with all kinds of stories behind the car. Thank you for sharing yours