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Nov 11, 2011
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Abuse
He Lives with more than one abuser
The older one is a boozer
The younger thinks he's a loser
He wants to seriously hurt them each
The older one uses her speech
The younger uses anything in reach
He now drinks to stay calm
The older one wont answer to mom
The younger one is a time bomb
He sits in his dark room by oneself
The older one dis relates herself
The younger one abuses himself
About This Poem
Last Few Words: the poem is about a boy who lives with his mom. he is abused by his mom verbally and abuses himself physically out of anger and depression
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
13 years 11 months ago
HI
I like the theme and each stanza rhymes well, but they are little like lists, there might be little more flow if the third stanza rhymed with the first and fourth stanza with the second.
lou