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Nov 13, 2024
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After The Clouds
The clouds drifted away today
By eleven the sky was a spotless blue
And as clear as my unburdened heart
They've drifted off to the west now
They're magnificent against the setting sun
I think I'll stay here a moment longer
To see lightning flashing in the dark
Against the northern horizon
And be amazed by the smell of wet earth
Drifting down with the breeze
There's a song I want to sing now
It sings of a man who was blind
Who can now see again
For I waited for the rains with a heavy heart
Now the burden has been lifted from me
And it seems that for the moment,
I am free
The clouds drifted away today
They left a sunshine so bright
Even the dark confines of my heart
Have been illuminated
A.Swantalala
About This Poem
Last Few Words: It's the rainy season in my country, and it's my favorite time of the year. We had a good rainy day a few days ago and the clouds just cleared today
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem "After The Clouds" is vivid and evocative, creating a sense of transformation and renewal as the clouds clear and the sky brightens. The contrast between the darkness of the burdened heart and the brightness of the clear sky is effectively portrayed.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the flow and structure of the poem. While the imagery is strong, the transitions between different scenes and emotions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the piece. Additionally, paying attention to the rhythm and meter of the poem could help to create a more consistent and engaging reading experience.
Overall, your poem effectively conveys a sense of release and freedom after a period of darkness, and with some refinement in structure and flow, it has the potential to be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
7 months 2 weeks ago
Trail
Another great poem I'm glad it's so positive. I love lightning strikes and the smell of wet earth too! John
Trail
7 months 1 week ago
Nature helps me stay positive
Thanks John, I have been focusing more on nature these days, and it's hard to stay negative when the sky is so beautiful
Lavender
7 months 1 week ago
After The Clouds
Hello, Trail,
Uplifting in theme and imagery. "...the smell of wet earth drifting down with the breeze." Beautiful poetry. I believe there are a few typos:
To see lighting / lightning...
There's a son / song...
Beautiful sentiment throughout, and inspiring final line.
Thank you!
L
Trail
7 months 1 week ago
Hey L
Thanks about the typos. I'm just now noticing them and I'll fix them right away. You're an angel
Rula
7 months 1 week ago
Awsome
Lovely sentiments. I see that nature has a big influence on your poetry especially clouds which is really great .
I thought the last stanza said it all and could stand as a poem by it self.
Just a thought, you may need removing/ space down your your nickname from the body of the poem as it looks like a part of the poem as is.
Thank you for sharing this one.
Trail
7 months 1 week ago
Thanks Rula
Clouds are my favorite part of nature, and since it's summer where I'm from I'm seeing a lot more of them.
Maybe I should stop signing them altogether. It's just that I've been doing it since I started and it feels weird when I dont. But yeah, I get what you mean
Alex Tanner
7 months 1 week ago
Hello Trail
I enjoy reading you, you capture the beauty of nature and it's effect. Alex
Trail
7 months 1 week ago
Thanks Alex
I find that focusing on nature helps to take my mind off of the complexities and troubles of life. I'm glad some of my poems appeal to you. Thank you for reading my poem and being kind enough to leave a review