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Mar 24, 2026
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After I die...
nobody will cry
cause yours truly opts
for cryogenic sleep (or cryosleep)
even though my soul
severely limited to transcend very high
nevertheless these lovely bones will lie
and affect a peaceful repose analogous
when Bluto (the nemesis of Popeye)
receives meted and deserved comeuppance
knocked flat out cold on his back
with his bruised face staring blankly at the sky,
but unbeknownst to cartoon creators
speaned (an actual word
meaning the past tense of the verb spean
(or spane), a chiefly Scottish
and Northern English
dialect term meaning to wean)
speechless spectators expectation speared
and found themselves dumbfounded why
[as well as creator American cartoonist
Elzie Crisler Segar (E.C. Segar)
Popeye made his debut on January 17, 1929,
in Segar's daily comic strip, Thimble Theatre
originally introduced as a one-time character
to pilot a boat for other characters
(Castor Oyl and Ham Gravy)]
but synonymous to a bad penny
bully came back bigger
and badder then ever to life
to wreak psychological havoc
upon precious impressionable kids
influenced to believe death only temporary
as would be the case if cryogenics
closely related to cryonics,
which is the practice
of freezing legally dead bodies
in liquid nitrogen (approximately
minus 150 degrees celsius to
minus 200 degrees celsius)
with the hope of future resuscitation,
where thoughts of death permeate mine psyche
(on account of my eldest sister experiencing
horrendous reaction courtesy chemotherapy
to treat bugaboo oncologists detected
after "Watching subtle
handy dandy blue's clues
linkedin to the Detectives" a 1977
reggae-rock song by Elvis Costello,
his first hit single, which track,
often considered a classic,
known for noir-inspired lyrics
about detectives, cigarettes,
and crime, heavily influenced
by the style of The Clash),
which post mortem autopsy
initial prompted me
to imagine being immortal
and never need to be affected,
bothered, nor concerned with Yes,
the Gompertz–Makeham law of mortality
a mathematical model stating
that death rates increase exponentially with age,
doubling at regular intervals
first proposed in 1825,
this law holds that adult mortality
arises from age-dependent,
exponential decay
and age-independent factors,
but wise guy, albeit modest me
(and star student daughter)
devised the ways and means
to stave off that approaching eventuality
courtesy with a biodegradable smart straw,
to nurse and quaff Good belly prebiotic
and probiotic unquenchable juice drink for pshaw
cuz truth be told posthumous legacy will live on
even after un-named mortal male
meets his demise meted out to him
after ashes gently
sprinkled across my faux grave,
essentially a wild thatch
of thriving native indigenous plants
some of which known
to induce hallucinations.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: the notion of death for me creeps closer now that my eldest sister in the brutal, nasty and short chemotherapy for carcinoma, yet please do not mistake this poem for suicidal ideation, but more so the issue of dying more in the forefront of my mind.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a dense and intricate meditation on mortality, cryogenics, cultural memory, and legacy, weaving together personal reflection, scientific concepts, and pop culture references. The ambition to blend these elements into a cohesive narrative is clear, but the poem’s complexity and length in single lines often impede clarity and emotional resonance.
The poem’s stream-of-consciousness style creates a collage of ideas, yet this approach sometimes sacrifices rhythm and pacing, making it challenging for readers to engage fully. Consider breaking the poem into shorter lines or stanzas to provide breathing space and emphasize key images or concepts. This would also help differentiate the shifts between personal anecdote, scientific explanation, and cultural commentary.
The use of parenthetical asides, such as the detailed explanation of “speaned” and the history of Popeye, while interesting, may disrupt the poem’s flow. These could be integrated more seamlessly or trimmed to maintain momentum without losing the informative or ironic tone.
The juxtaposition of scientific references (Gompertz–Makeham law, cryonics) with personal and cultural elements is compelling, but the poem might benefit from focusing more on the emotional or philosophical implications of these ideas rather than their technical details. For example, exploring how the hope of cryogenic sleep contrasts with the inevitability of death could deepen the poem’s thematic impact.
The closing image of ashes sprinkled on a faux grave over indigenous plants that induce hallucinations is evocative and suggests a return to nature and altered states of consciousness. Expanding on this image could provide a more powerful conclusion that ties together the poem’s reflections on mortality and legacy.
Overall, refining the poem’s structure, clarifying its thematic focus, and balancing informative content with emotional depth would enhance its effectiveness and accessibility.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month ago
I don't see...
how it would not occur to any of us, in noting that our bodies have aged and most everything has a certain life span; that we will expire too. Therefore, it stands to reason that we will speak of it now and then. As to tending a garden of some psychotropic vegetation, after the deposit of your ashes... still, the thought is intriguing, and I have a friend who has decided that if I am to enrich his life with some of my ashes from remains, he will roll some of them in a joint to smoke with friends. LoL [No additives, or harmful chemicals involved, so...] My love for the Green Witch is well known amongst friends and family, but I'm not sure about smoking ashes. Anyway, yeah, I hear ya. ~ Geez.
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