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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 02/16/25 to 02/22/24

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After The Storm

Every time a storm ends
It’s like the world is born again
I’m watching the clouds drift away
To an old country song
Playing in my head

I’m thinking of every single time
I had thought my life was over
Only to come back stronger than ever
After the clouds drifted away

There’s a difference, I think
The streets themselves seem to breathe
And it seems like within my soul
Some door that had been shut tight
Has been unlocked
And the air can flow freely
Once again

There’s an old country song
Playing deep within my soul
It’s a song about hope, I think
I told my mother about it once
Before the storm began

But now the storm is over
And it seems to me
Like sunshine has never been this bright
Like this air we breathe
Has never been fresher
A. Swantalala

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Botswana

Favorite Poets: Charles Bukowski, Jim Harrison

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

4 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The imagery of rebirth and renewal after a storm in your poem is vivid and evocative. The metaphor of the storm passing and the world being born again is powerful and resonant. The theme of resilience and strength in the face of adversity is clear throughout the poem. The use of music, specifically an old country song, adds a nostalgic and comforting layer to the piece.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of your stanzas to create more dynamic pacing and flow. Experimenting with line breaks and stanza lengths could enhance the overall rhythm of the poem and engage the reader more effectively. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or personification could enrich the imagery and deepen the emotional impact of your work.

Overall, your poem effectively captures the sense of hope and renewal that follows difficult times. With some structural adjustments and further exploration of poetic techniques, your writing could become even more compelling and engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Lavender

4 months 1 week ago

After The Storm

Hello, Trail,
Uplifting poetry. A nice mixture of music and cleansing rainy weather - I could sense the connection and the inspiration felt in the moment. You bring your reader into the scene with you. So lovely.
Thank you!
L

Trail

Trail

4 months 1 week ago

Lavender

The past few days have been very rainy in my country and some places have even experienced floods. Many people have been affected by the rains, homes destroyed and roads closed. Our university has even closed for a few days because of the situation. But today the skies cleared for a bit though, and I figured I could try to see the positive side of things.

You're always so kind L. Thank you for this

Lavender

Lavender

4 months 1 week ago

Hello, Trail,

I'm sorry to hear of the devastation caused by the floods. In reading your poem again, it's even more powerful now knowing what you are experiencing. Warmest regards, and take care.
L