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Sep 30, 2022
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This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week Contest September 25th to October 1st 2022
the afternoon before the great storm
the grass quivered slightly with thickening tension,
dark clouds like graphite smudge fell hard off dusk’s shoulder
Diffused to cover the bloodied sun
that already has been given its last rites to sink.
on the horizon where the stars and frosted glass table sea merge,
flocks of seabirds emerge under the gray low light
as if a volley of arrows shot inland from invisible ships
following closely, the low waves of foaming spilled cream
crashing onto the bayonet rocks in the shore.
and dense electrified wind brought with it a distant hum, a wailing,
taste of grief, that feels alien, heavy, moist and cold
strange air not from this land, where humidity is abundant as despair
but carried from someplace harsh, furious and vengeful
an omen of bad things waiting beyond, soon to come.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!...
This is a written picture of what one might see in the calm before the storm. I have been through a couple of hurricanes and tropical storms, both here in the Northeast of the U.S. and the deep South. There is nothing in nature that compares to a huge storm on the horizon. I love the whole last verse! It truly brings to mind the feeling one gets in the before the storm! Nicest job! ~ Geezer.
.
Celso G. Tertins
2 years 9 months ago
as always, thank you very
as always, thank you very much!
Jackweb
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
Celso G. Tertins
2 years 9 months ago
wow that is very generous,
wow that is very generous, thanks!
Jackweb
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
Jackweb
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
Jackweb
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
Jackweb
2 years 9 months ago
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
Ray Whitaker
2 years 9 months ago
I like the feeling for the ocean you have
i could get wet from the words...
Celso G. Tertins
2 years 8 months ago
thank you very much ray!
thank you very much ray!
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 9 months ago
Language skills
Ok. Your use of language is basically exquisite. My hands are excoriated from the jagged rocks. I’m looking into the air’s opacity and feeling the deep breath of an approaching storm front, when you hold it in for that precious few seconds before the big exhale. Anticipating the cacophony of wind and rain and thundering crest falls.
Excellent job,
Tim
Celso G. Tertins
2 years 9 months ago
thank you for the wonderfully
thank you for the wonderfully kind words, Tim!