scribbler

Jan 10, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

AGELESS LOVE,

She wakes beside me every day
and stumbles from our bed
her hair all mussed, eyes full of sleep.
She's lovely as the day we wed.

Though many years have passed us now,
my hair has grown both scarce and white,
when I see her I still behold
the girl I met one summer night.

And I still like to look at her
she makes me laugh and smile.
When I tire and my bones ache
for her I'll go on for a while

When oft' I gaze into bright eyes
I still become quite lost
and wonder why she's stayed so long
no matter what the cost.

And as the years pile up on me
with her I'll live my life
and always see the girl within
my never aging wife.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: 50 years ago today I married the love of my life

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

raj

11 years 6 months ago

A big wow Stan. I wonder if

A big wow Stan. I wonder if this was an anniversary gift for your loved wife or just please her (humor). Whatever, it surely delivers your true emotions and devotion in these beautiful verses.

If i may venture and make a suggestion I think you should take a re-look at line 3 verse 4 "and wonder why she's stayed so long" could be perceived as "why she is still alive" I believe if you added a word "up"
"and wonder why she's stayed up so long" it would make better sense....

all in all it truly is a wonderful way to express love for a partner and many may be tempted to use it during their anniversaries or get their partner in an upbeat mood..:). the title is apt...just wondering if "Eternal Love" could be more appropriate

regards ...raj

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi raj

I wrote this for Susan for valentines day the year of the neo site crash. I just realized the other day that I'd not re-posted it on the new site and decided it might be a good thing to do so. The line in stanza 4 you refer to is meant to convey wonderment at why she has stayed with Me for so long.......I can see how it could be taken the way you did and will give it some thought about making my intent clearer. I think I'll keep the title though as it comes closer to conveying how both she and our love never seem to age. I appreciate your visiting and offering your thoughts...........stan

raj

11 years 6 months ago

Hi Stan

Based on your explanation "Ageless Love" is definitely more appropriate. Good that you mentioned that you have re-posted this one, which was originally posted before Neopoet's website crash. Readers will definitely be able to read this wonderful piece...

mand

11 years 6 months ago

Hi Stan!

True love! This poem is so touching - These are "stand back" thoughts held in a moment of deep appreciation, gratitude, respect and love. ( these thoughts come with a life time of companionship ). I truly love this poem and I'm pretty sure it would bring a tear to Susan's eye.

I only have one "suggestion" for stanza three ( just a suggestion to help the flow - discard if it doesn't suit! )

And I still like to look at her;
she melts me with her smiles.
and though I tire and my bones ache
for her - I'll walk a thousand miles.

Either way it's a lovely poem Stan

Love Mand xxxxx

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi Mandy

I wrote this for Susan for valentines day the first year I started back writing poetry a few years ago. And yes, she did get misty eyed. It seems every time I write something for her she tears up. It's gotten to where she hesitates reading anything I write for fear it might be about her lol. Thanks for the suggestions When and if I do any major editing on this poem I'll keep them in mind..............stan

loved

11 years 6 months ago

Yes only aged folks like us can understand how elderly women

do hold on

This work of yours is so great
that it inspires me to compose one
No not as a Valentine
but for the love of life.
hope you will like it too
here

well on second thought
read it in the water stream
ere we both flow away

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi loved

I keep getting older and balder and she just stays the same (at least in my eyes). I'm glad to have inspired you and appreciate your visit............stan

loved

11 years 6 months ago

thanks

do read two of mine
such ones

one inspired by you
the other by raj

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi raj

will do

Barbara Writes

11 years 6 months ago

Beautiful one

Beautiful, beautifully written. One suggestion I see is "thought". Should it be "though" in line 1 stanza 2? It's just a tweak in my brain. If it is as intended just ignore.

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hello

Great to see the sun after so much rain isn't it? Me and my cussed typos. I actually DO review before posting but I have a tendency to read what's supposed to be there instead of what Is. So I always appreciate my friends letting me know I missed something. Thanks for time to read and leave such kind comment............stan

Barbara Writes

11 years 6 months ago

Hello

it been raining heavy. I stay inside. the sun is inviting.

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

oh

It cleared off here last night. Figured it had cleared off down there by now. I starting to have to check for mushrooms behind my ears lol......stan

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 6 months ago

Stan

This was just beautiful....your wife must be a wonderful woman for you to still care so deeply after all these years. I am often envious of such relationships. Great write.

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

Hi Carrie

She's dang sure better than I deserve lol. I guess she only stays around to see what I'm gonna do next. Thanks for the visit and kind words...........stan

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 6 months ago

Stan

That's what keeps a relationship strong...every day a new adventure...how many years have you been together

scribbler

11 years 6 months ago

It depends

We started dating exclusively in 1970 and got married in 1974.......damn that's a long time lol..........stan