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Jun 16, 2020
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Alas! My Love
Wherefore have you gone?
I search this stalagmited crevice that is
My mourning heart-
Where memories of you lie
Like shattered shards of glass.
Alas, my love
Here me I beg!
He has taken you!
Laid you on rose,
And covered you in thorn!
Alas, my love,
With Death’s violent kiss
You too
Have forgotten me.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
5 years 4 months ago
Welcome
M,R. Divine
A great first submission! I'd call it bittersweet.
I liked everything about the piece, but not the title. I thought it deserves a more calling title, but that is only me. Wait and see what others have to say.
I also think you need to check for adding (a) or (the) before nouns like rose and thorn.
Rula
5 years 4 months ago
Dear Alan
I think I had my mind a bit absent when I suggested the (a) thorn thing, maybe (thorns) works better?