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Sep 04, 2025
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Alchemy
5 years old playing, living, just being.
Someone speaks.
The child gathers some mud to cover part of his smile but it doesn’t last
Someone else just points from afar.
He carefully shapes clay to cover his mouth, at first.
Someone shouts
More clay to his eyes from curious to calm, attentive
someone comments,
someone shuns,
someone pulls away
His clay mask is complete, unassuming, void emotions.
His teens come but now it is a clay suit of armor, nothing can get in, or out.
No design is forever, and this one was incapable of adding or shaping clay on itself
Clay hardens like terracotta
Time wear on the terracotta, it cracks and breaks
Without new clay, only dust and bits of the armor are available to work
He tests and toils, finds a new repair.
Mixing his essence with dust and bits can make malleable metal.
He starts to fill the cracks to maintain the armor using the metal
Years, decades pass
Gold not only fills cracks it replaces armor that failed to protect…
From errant points, comments, whispers
The armor looks and feels grown up, it fits in everywhere and nowhere
The armor is art, shiny, well crafted, and the façade of a warrior.
But inside the he is unsparing with his energy. his efforts. towards patterns and routines
Everyone sees the armor, the movements, the actions, but not the lightless interior.
Cracks & holes forbidden, repairs necessary.
But he is safe.
He achieved the impossible.
Fabled Alchemy.
Something new from what was.
All it cost was the child.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 1 day ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively uses the metaphor of clay and armor to trace the emotional development and protective mechanisms formed from childhood through adulthood. The progression from innocent play to a hardened, ornate armor is compelling and resonates with themes of vulnerability, resilience, and transformation.
The imagery of clay evolving into terracotta and then being repaired with metal and gold is particularly strong, symbolizing both fragility and strength. The reference to "Fabled Alchemy" as the process of turning pain and experience into something valuable is a powerful conclusion that ties the poem’s metaphorical journey together.
Consider refining the poem’s rhythm and punctuation to enhance clarity and flow. For example, some lines could benefit from commas or line breaks to better guide the reader’s pace and emphasize key moments. Additionally, varying sentence structures might heighten emotional impact and prevent the narrative from feeling too linear.
The poem’s tone is contemplative but could be deepened by exploring the internal conflict more explicitly—perhaps by contrasting the external armor with glimpses of the “lightless interior” through more sensory or emotional details. This might create a stronger tension between appearance and reality.
Overall, the poem’s metaphor is evocative and layered, inviting readers to reflect on the costs of emotional self-protection and the complex alchemy of personal growth. With some attention to rhythm and emotional nuance, the piece could gain even greater resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
3 weeks ago
Alchemy
Hello, J.T.,
The metaphor and use of alchemy brings depth to this piece. Those years passing, the different layers of transformation. The last five lines are especially powerful.
Thank you!
L