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Dec 18, 2024
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All the lines are down!
In my mind religion
has no place or time.
I've forgiven everyone
in the race that I've run.
This is just my point of view
bridges have been burned.
People in their lves
don't seem to have the time.
They just can't sit and talk
to comfort an old friend.
With thier stale trite sentences
nothing can be done.
Maybe if they'd change their tone
I could divert my own mind.
Back to a more peaceful time
when it had more meaning.
My song is yet unsung!..
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
mark
6 months 3 weeks ago
Hey Leslie
Indeed so many people so deep into their own shit they don't see their best friend right in front of their eyes.
I know how this feels - lonely
People in their lves (little typo)
I felt a bit of ruffness here and there you might try breaking out stanzas then see if it feels any better.
Later friend,
Mark
Leslie
6 months 3 weeks ago
Mark
I hope that you're doing alright. Merry Christmas to you too. Thank you for reading this.
Rula
6 months 2 weeks ago
Unfortunately
So true! :(
mark
6 months 2 weeks ago
Nicely done
Smooth a rather slow read to savor.
I disagree on that unsung song. Your song is sung well we all know you now Leslie. You ae part of the Neo family.
Mark
Leslie
6 months 2 weeks ago
Mark
Thanks for being a good freind.