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Jan 12, 2025
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Alone
I am alone
A classroom full of people and I still feel alone.
A day full of compliments but I can't help feeling empty.
While I walk through the hallway that's full of smiles and laughter,
I keep my head down and try to make it through.
As I make it to my locker I see my "friends" all talking in a group.
They ignore me, and I ignore them.
When they finally call my name,
I look up and a smile brands my face.
As we talk to one another I force myself to joke and laugh and keep this big, fake smile on my face.
The day goes on and I keep my act going, not showing anybody what's really going on underneath the surface of my skin.
Finally, the day ends, and as I make the journey home I feel "myself" fade away.
When I finally make it home and inside my bedroom, I see something that makes me smile.
A real genuine smile.
I look down at my phone and I see a message that makes me feel,
Not so alone.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I haven't written poetry in a while but I'm trying to get back into it so please give me whatever advice you see fit!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Your poem "Alone" effectively conveys a sense of isolation and inner turmoil despite being surrounded by people. The contrast between the external interactions and the internal feelings of emptiness is poignant. The use of imagery like walking through a hallway full of smiles and laughter while feeling disconnected adds depth to the emotions portrayed. The shift in tone towards the end with the message on the phone bringing a genuine smile is a powerful moment of connection and relief. To enhance your poem further, consider exploring more vivid descriptions or sensory details to immerse the reader even more into the emotions you are conveying. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the structure or rhythm of your poem to create a more dynamic flow. Overall, well done in capturing the complex emotions of loneliness and the search for genuine connection.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ray Miller
5 months 3 weeks ago
Alone
I think the last four lines make a poor ending to what was an interesting tale. You need something specific that brings forth your real self.
The day goes on and I keep my act going, not showing anybody what's really going on underneath the surface of my skin.
Finally, the day ends, and as I make the journey home I feel "myself" fade away.
You might want to consider trimming this to something like -
The day goes on and I keep my act going, until I make the journey home and feel "myself" fade away.