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M
Mustafah
Oct 21, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 10/19/24 to 10/26/24

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Alone in time

we stand alone along a steadfast row
alone we come alone we go
my rib curve like a circular bow
alone sometimes we need to grow
flying at night like a lonely crow
facing heavy storms on our own
crowds vanish like art on a stone
who do we know that's all alone
chasing blessings for we are known
small minded people act all grown
knowing the world but can't relate
we all alone to this date
alone in time we'll reach our fate
alone with faith reaching heavens gate

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Africa

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

8 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Alone in Time" presents a consistent theme of solitude and introspection, effectively utilizing metaphors and imagery to convey this message. The repetition of the word 'alone' throughout the piece reinforces this theme and creates a rhythmic pattern that guides the reader through the poem.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The line "my rib curve like a circular bow" seems to deviate from the poem's overall theme without offering a clear connection or metaphorical significance. It might be beneficial to revise this line to better align with the poem's central theme.

Moreover, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. The use of 'alone' can be powerful, but its repetition might also risk dulling its impact. Consider using synonyms or related concepts to express the same idea in different ways.

Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. For example, the lines "crowds vanish like art on a stone" and "alone in time we'll reach our fate" have different numbers of syllables, which can disrupt the poem's flow. Adjusting these lines to have a consistent syllable count could enhance the poem's rhythm and readability.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

M

Mustafah

8 months 1 week ago

I understand the good

I understand the good judgement of the poem i tried to use more common words far as possible
I don't like to use a strong vocabulary
As you said that it is a good poem
And the setting is good

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 months ago

Hello Mustafah,

I hope I spelled your name correctly? (It is a handsome name) I found the lack of punctuation a wee bit disconcerting. Punctuation gives pauses and full stops in the poem. I find it helpful to read a poem out loud, before posting it. but it helps. these are my favorite lines:

we all alone to this date
alone in time we'll reach our fate
alone with faith reaching heavens gate

even though I do not believe in a heaven.
*hugs, Cat