Lavender

Jan 13, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Along My Walk

Along my walk at break of day
I feel the meek desire to pray
For though my steps are bound and mere
My heart transcends pure thoughts, so dear
I'm silenced by this blest display

I cherish how the leaves may sway
As teasing breezes beg to play
With willow trees I shall revere
Along my walk

I'm ambling through a bold Monet
As daffodils perform ballet
Their faces bright, their charm sincere
And I am spellbound to be near
The triumph in this dawn's bouquet
Along my walk

About This Poem

Last Few Words: An attempt at a Rondeau poem. From mid-spring to early fall, I take early morning walks. I am always grounded and at peace while walking.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

Ruby Lord

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hi Lavender, wow, a true

Hi Lavender, wow, a true reflection of nature's beauty woven with a sense of serenity and spirituality. Like you on your walk I felt as if I was stopping to appreciate the joys of life through your poem. A wonderful Rondeau, well done. Ruby xxx :)

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Ruby,

I am grateful for your reading and commenting, and very thankful for your introducing this challenging, yet fulfilling poetry form. You are a gift!
Lx

Ruby Lord

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hi Lavender, I think your

Hi Lavender, I think your gift is as always in the way you lace your words. This format really suits you. I like the challenges of the Rondeau. Ruby xxx :)

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Ruby,

Many thanks!
L

Ray Miller

5 months 3 weeks ago

Along My Walk

I love the last stanza, Monet, ballet, bouquet, great rhymes. I'm not convinced by steps that are bound and mere - mere as in small?

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Ray,

Thank you for reading and commenting. I had fun with the last stanza. As far as "bound and mere" - I wanted to show a contrast between the physical body having confines and meager limitations, and spiritual thoughts being vast and transcending. I'll put some thought into it.
Thank you, again,
L

Triskelion

5 months 3 weeks ago

I looked at that...

...also. The word mere is an adjective, and in that line, it does describe the noun "steps". It is a unique way, of course, (I can't remember seeing it used like that) I mean other than "mere steps". I'm no grammar expert, so take that with a single grain of salt. Does an adjective need to directly precede the noun? That's a question for someone else...lol
I think it does work, but maybe poetically?
I might have kept the line a little simpler (and I have a feeling it originally may have been written this way, but...) and still offered a contrast between the physical and spiritual, replacing "and mere" with "to here", which would ground the steps to that moment of reality in that line, where the next line would accent the rise to the spiritual.

Having got that out of the way...

This is a wonderful take on this form! It is as metrically pleasing as a well-written sonnet and the combination of a dream state with reality just soaked into me like a warm bath. Wow!
One day, I hope to be inspired to write one of my own with as much substance. Absolutely wonderful, Lavender!

Thomas

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Thomas,

I'll think over the "mere" line and consider your idea! Always appreciate your time!
I loved piecing this form together, and am so grateful for Ruby's suggestion to try it. I dearly love my morning walks. I look forward to reading your Rondeau soon, I hope.
Thank you much,
L

Triskelion

5 months 3 weeks ago

I am...

...impressed with your commitment to the structure represented in a lot of rondeau poems. I read that the meter can vary between 8-10 syllables moreover, but so far, have not read what is expected in the refrain other than being the opening words in the first line...Also, would the chosen meter apply to all the stanzas, or can it vary one to another? Any insight would be appreciated.
Again, wonderfully written, Lavender!

Thomas

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Thomas!

All good questions, as I myself am still learning! From what I've read, it seems the meter is the same throughout each stanza. (I attempted 8 syllables, here...) I could not find anything regarding structure of the refrain, either, and the poems I discovered all varied, but were shortened versions of the opening line. Much to continue learning! Looking forward to what you find out, and reading your Rondeau!
Thank you!
L

Rula

5 months 3 weeks ago

Dearest Lavender

I'm not only fascinated by your enjoyable walks, but also by your diction choice and use.
I thought you took the Rondeau form to another level with your theme and ending rhymes.
I'm always grateful for such poetic journies.
Well done dear friend!

Lavender

5 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Rula,

This was a joy to write. A great form - much to learn with this, and to keep challenging us!
Thank you for your kind words!
Lxx