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Jul 10, 2025
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Amigos para sempre
Amigos para sempre
I have a few in my life
And thanks god
We get along just fine
Also we don't put each other
Down
Because
That would be the wrong thing
To do
I need to built a circle
Of friends in my life
Also I have to think positive
And write my poetry
And hope that
I can send a strong message
To the countries
That are in war
I just don't know
What else to do
Also we need each other
In our lives
I must tell you friend
That would be impossible
To live without you
Also I want you
In my life
As long as we are alive
We have treated each other
With respected
And I hope we can be friends
For a life time
Also I need to built
A circle of friends
And hope my friends
Will be a part of
My circle of friends
Yes I need each other
Supporting me in my daily
Life
I don't play the lottery game
I Also don't care for it
I try to live
A good life
Without any luxuries
I am living a simple life
That my father gave to me
I never talk badly about
My father
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is an old poem Written by Aldo Gabbay
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores themes of friendship, gratitude, and the desire for peace, with a direct and conversational tone. The use of simple language and repetition (“I need to built a circle / Of friends in my life”; “Also I need to built / A circle of friends”) emphasizes the speaker’s longing for connection and support. However, there are several areas where the poem could be strengthened.
The structure is largely free verse, but the line breaks sometimes feel arbitrary rather than intentional, which can interrupt the flow and dilute the emotional impact. For example, lines such as “Because / That would be the wrong thing / To do” could be condensed or restructured for clarity and rhythm. The poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure and attention to enjambment to create a stronger sense of movement.
Several grammatical errors and inconsistencies appear, such as “thanks god” (which might be intended as “thank God”) and “built” instead of “build.” These issues can distract from the poem’s message and should be addressed for clarity and professionalism.
The poem shifts abruptly between topics—friendship, world peace, personal habits, and family—which can make the narrative feel disjointed. Consider focusing on a central theme or using transitions to create a more cohesive piece. For instance, the mention of war and sending a message to countries in conflict is introduced but not developed, which weakens its impact.
Imagery and figurative language are minimal. Incorporating more sensory details or metaphors could deepen the reader’s engagement and provide a more vivid sense of the speaker’s experiences and emotions.
The poem’s sincerity is evident, but refining the language, structure, and focus would enhance its effectiveness and resonance.
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